A song of remembrance- Tomorrow

This was the very first movie I saw and I loved, loved, loved this song. http://youtu.be/Yop62wQH498
Do you remember the little red haired girl named Annie?

A song of remembrance- Animal crackers in my soup

I loved this song as a child. I remember my mom buying me this tape. Yes again a tape!! And gues what...I sing it to my kids. Chloe loves singing it in the bath tub!
http://youtu.be/vnZ3duEwQ-M

And this one too!!! I loved this album. SO silly. but fun!
http://youtu.be/waF6YIsNaks

A song of remembrance

http://youtu.be/uHooH4464dQThis song reminds of my first love Rob. He was helping me pack to leave for collage and it honestly was like a movie. It was raining and as I pulled away, I looked in the rear view mirror to see him standing there. in the pouring rain. Of course I was bawling. My friend was with me. We were driving out West together. Well her friend made her a tape. Yes a cassette tape. ( I am that old.) and this was the song playing as we pulled away. I will never forget that moment

To yell or not to yell...That is the question.

 Does yelling, or screaming or raising your voice work? In my home it does not. So why oh why do I do?

I can't even tell you how many times I have started my morning with the right intentions. I do the whole self talk thing. Crissy you will be patient. You will be slow to anger. You will not yell today. 

I really have embraced, as my right, the simple right to express my anger. I Don't beat them. I don't lock them up  (even though I may want to at times. Lock them up that is.) So I surely do get the right to loose my mind, right?


If I have the right to loose my cool and yell so loud that I hurt my throat. I should get some satisfaction right? Wrong! I would say 9 times out of 10 I end up in my room bawling my eyes. I feel guilty. I feel sick. I feel ashamed. I then have to tap on the door, with my head hung low and ask for forgiveness. It really is hard to admit your wrong doing's. 

I then follow that into my room, enter into the bathroom take a look into the mirror and ask myself. Who? Who is this person? And Why? Why can't I control my anger? Deep sigh.

And really, Does me screaming help the situation? Does it help my kidlets listen better or feel loved and secure? I am sure that it makes them feel the complete opposite. In fact I know from experience that it does indeed do the opposite.


So I would like to declare. I am not going to yell anymore. This is going to be SO easy for me. Nah, its going to be hard. VERY hard. You see, I am the person that has a type A personality and I have Small, OK HUGE control issues. I also come from a family with a long line of Anger. But I will save that for another post :)
Here's to my challenge. Wish me luck and pray for me to change the tone of my house. I will let you know how I do....How I honestly do.
Cheers, and Blessings

Watch your tone!

Watch your tone!

Guess what I am NOT talking about my kids. I am talking to myself. 

It’s been so easy for anger or defensiveness to creep into my words. When I stop and think about it, I often ask Lil man and Lil miss something, already assuming it will be a battle, and that shows in the way I speak. How can I expect them to do what I ask when my tone is already telling them they don’t want to? How can I expect them to reply in an appropriate manner when I have already set the tone for the conversation with the first words that came out of my mouth? Sometmes I hear myself talking angry, when really, I am not ( yet ) This week I have been really thinking, pondering, digging deep within myself. I have been trying to be honest. Is this the tone that I want set for my household? And Honestly ladies, Mothers. wives. We are the tone setters in our home.
I have watched it over and over and over again. I walk in the door from work. Grab the lunch bags clean them. Look at the agenda's, fill out the forms. Start dinner, break up a couple of fights in the living room. Nag to start the homework as I start to cook dinner. Clean up the bowl of yogort that was spilt on the newly cleaned carpets. Go back to the burning  Cooking dinner. I can feel my blood pressure raising with each incident. Than Mr.man walks in the door. I am standing at the stove. with a stand offish tone. I am talking with an irratated tone. I am conveying a nasty tone. So what happens? Unless I can calm myself down. It trickles down the line. Mr.man feels the tension and it carry's over to the dinner table.

I am not o.k with this. I am not with any of it. I am not ok with the tone that I set. 

I am the catalyst for change and if I want my family’s conversation to be kind, understanding, and pleasent then every time I open my own mouth I need to hear those words in my head…And speak them. 

It’s not going to be easy for me. There are a few hard truths that I will need to face. 

I need to tackle our routine and my own personal time management. And got off of FB.
I need to find joy and peace in looking after our home. Because sometimes everything seems pointless and mundane.
 
I need to give myself freely to the joy of being with my children when they need me. I need to stop being selfsih and sit down and play playdoh.

I need to extend ‘my tone’ beyond my children to my husband and to myself. 

I am not saying that I want a perfect home. Where things will always be gum drops and lolipops. It won't be a home where everyone is happy all of the time. It's not a home where the wheels never fall off. But it is a home that manages the set backs, the frustrations and the disasters, big and small, with grace and love.
I want to live in that home. I want to set the tone for that home. 


 

The life as a School bus driver

    I started a new job Last February working for Wallwin electric. I was going to have the summers off and only work from 9:30-2:30 Perfect eh. YES! I honestly fell in love with the staff and company the very first hour. But I took this lovely job thinking that Chloe was going to be full time Jk this past Sept. but things changed. Our school is going to full time till 2012. So I had a dilemma on my hands. I didn't want to pay out 300.00 in gas and 400.00 in Daycare it was pointless. So I had to turn down that amazing opportunity. I must admit it was harder then I thought. I was in tears at the thought of leaving and During the same time I was approached by my aunt to drive bus. I was feeling so prideful and was thinking ya right. Drive a freaking school bus. I wanna work at Wallwin. Well I put my classic list making skills in to practice and weighed the pros and con's.

And of course who won...Driving the school bus. :( I was sad until the pride set in. I was kinda embarrassed at the idea of it, and I had no idea why. Something that I tell my youth group and my children and heck even my friends. Its really hard to judge someone or something if you get to know them or it. Because you learn their story. So I thought, OK Crissy. before you judge everyone and this job. Learn about it. give it a chance. So I did.

I applied and devoted my whole summer to train. To my surprise...The training was intense and a very informative course. I am now a professional driver with a class B licence. I did have a hard time with the videos that we had to watch on numerous accidents and bullying video's because believe it or not. That's where it starts. On the bus. I grew more and more nervous about being responsible for 66 children on my bus and over 30 families entrusting me with there precious little treasures. So I take it seriously. VERY seriously.

 So what have I learned about driving bus?  That It is one tough job. As the driver I am to watch every aspect of the road. Every driver, pedestrians  and to always expect the unexpected.

We are sometimes the first face that a child See's that morning. So I must always be kind and gracious and smile and greet. I only have the kids on my bus for 1 hour and tens minutes a day. So its hard to get to know each child.( but I try ) its hard to know what's going on between the lines. yet I have to discipline. Like a parent we need to lay the law down out of love, and try to extend grace. 

So what do you need to know about bus drivers?? This job is a lot more stressful than one would think. especially if you have one that cares. You see...we deal with behaviours and attitudes without having a real good chance to know the kids and their backgrounds. We say have a great weekend or have a good night and get no responses back. It is a pretty thankless job. And Driving in the winter sucks. So if we are late lots. Don't be mad. Just know that we want to get your little treasures home safely. 

So what I have learned to love about driving bus.

Well Chloe had a hard time her first month of school so I was able to be in her class during the morning to help her transition. I am home on sick days with them. I am home on holidays and P.A days. And I get the summer off. I am able to bring in some extra cash and still be a momma. Which is my number one priority. 

I also love getting to know the kids on the bus. And seeing them in school and have them wave or say hey Crissy. It really does provide for our family and gives me the freedom to do the household things. 

So I am not ashamed to say I am driving bus. I am blessed to be driving the bus.

Family day in 2009- A story I had found about Jaker

On family day this year we went to a friend's house. And Our son's went out side for a quick play. As we were sitting at the table drinking a warm cup of coffee I looked out the window, and noticed that my son was climbing the hill outside attempting to drag a G.T up the hill. I sat back and smiled watching him take a few steps and then take a seat. Then stand up and keep dragging that thing up the hill. He was struggling. But he was strong, he was persistent and was determined to make to the top of that hill. A year ago Jacob would have been very frustrated and probably would have given up, but I was watching this 4 year old boy climb. I could not tell if he yelled for his friend Eli or not, but Eli showed up and came down to Jacob to help him the rest of the way. He carried the heavy load for him, and then they both got on and drove down the hill. Jacob was not upset that he did not get the front, but was content letting someone take the drivers seat. and he enjoyed the ride.

Our burden’s weren’t meant to lay upon our shoulders for a long period of time. We were meant to ask for help, and to receive the help, and to climb to the top victoriously. And then Allow God to take the drivers seat of our lives. And hop on and enjoy the ride.

Life’s struggles can be overwhelming at times and hard to shoulder. But remember to keep getting up, and keep being strong. And ask for help. And then Give control to him. For he cares for you.

My heart whispers....Your tired of being let down.

I was sitting in church on Sunday with tears streaming down my face. What is your heart whispering? Shane ( my pastor ) was asking us why are you angry? 
( not just to me, was he asking this question.) but it felt like it was SO directed to wards me. ever have those moments?? Take off the mask, and look deep. Ask God, he will tell you. 

Well in my life I have had several reasons to be angry and I do believe that I have lived my life hanging on to the thing that felt like home. 
( anger ) Sounds weird?? Yeah kinda.  

On the outside you wouldn't see it. You wouldn't think that I was the type to get easily angered. Well I am. I annoy very easily. ( something that I detest about myself ) I hide it well. I have several different masks. I even wear the mask in front of myself. I didn't notice until 4 years ago how angry I really was. Saying that. God has been stripping that off. It is taking so much longer than I thought it would, but My heart is healing. 
But....this Sunday. God spoke quietly. I almost didn't hear him. I stopped singing. I raised my hands. feeling kinda desperate for some reason. 

I took off the mask. And I heard. Crissy you are tired of being let down. My heart spoke loud and clear. I sighed a very heavy and deep sigh. Yes. Yes I am tired of being let down. I am tired of being hurt by the ones that are suppose to be there for me, and protect me. At that moment, God brought to my mind some names. I began to cry. I have not been able to let it go. And when I think of their names I get mad on the inside and I mull over everything. Even relationships from over 10 years ago. 

*Deep sigh*

 x Husband -Why did he not want me to go back to B.C? How did he walk away so easily?  First husband gave up. Yes I feel let down.

Old BF- Best friend for years. walked away and judged me because I wasn't living the way that she thought that I should be. Wasn't invited to her wedding. which was crushing. Yes I feel let down.  

Mom- Yes in almost every area...Yes I feel let down.

Dad-  Why did you give up searching for me? Why do you live so far away? Yes I feel let down.

Friends- Why am I always the one to reach out? If I don't I never get a phone call. Yes I feel let down.  


Church- Yup...I feel let down.


Myself- Yes I feel like I have let myself down. I didn't do the things that I should have. Out of selfishness and fear. 

God- I felt ripped off. In almost every aspect of my life. 


So what now? What do you do with the whispers of a heart? Guess what my first reaction was...Yup, you guessed it. I was angry. I walked home from Church and was mad. But I need to get to that spot. Where I can let it all go. Where I can let the let downs of life go. And focus on the positive. 


What is your heart whispering? Can you take off your mask long enough to hear?
 

30 now....its been 22 years since I saw him last.

My Father as you all know, has just re entered my life 15 months ago. After a very long 22 years. I am simply amazed at how alike we are. I remember the first time I heard his voice on the phone. I was utterly speechless. And not for a couple of seconds but a few minutes. Crissy, honey....its your dad. This moment will NEVER leave my mind. I remembered his voice. It was like I had never stopped hearing it. I was in total and complete shock to hear him at the other end. My dad. I have a dad. We were on the phone for 2 1/2 the first time speaking, and then was here the very next morning.

I opened the door and this man with Grey hair, my height, my eye color opened the car door and made his way up our stoop. I was so happy and yet so sad. Where did my dad go? He had a beard and his face has wrinkles. I thought back quickly to the man I once remembered. He had dark hair and always wore jeans and cowboy boots. He was a good looking man, he reminded me of Dean martin. But he is old now. I could tell he had problems with his knees. He was having slight trouble getting up the stairs.

We hugged and I cried, and cried. All these thoughts were consuming my mind. I was so angry that I got ripped off. I missed 22 years of his life. I never got to see the progression of him getting older. I missed literally everything in his life. and vice versa. I wish that I cold fully explain how this made me feel, but it is hard. My dad missed so much. My weddings, the birth of my children. Seeing me graduate, seeing me grow into a women. He didn't know anything about me. who I dated, who my friends were, what jobs I have had. NOTHING! this was hard. He sat on the couch next to me, and I could not stop staring at him. He was so handsome. He was my dad. We look a lot alike. Skin tone. We have the same shape hands and feet ( short and stubby) We have the same color of eyes and we are the same height. We are both sarcastic and share the same sense of humor. We are both stubborn and hard workers. I am so glad that I can finally say that I am like someone. I grew up with my mom. Who I am completely opposite then. We look and act nothing alike. And the BOOM. I take one look at my dad and know that I am his. I finally feel like I belong somewhere.

But when my dad left.....I could not stop crying. All I wanted was for him to be close. I didn't want to be apart from him. I still don't. I honestly can say that I cry every time he leaves. It breaks my heart. At the beginning though I was sacred. I thought that he was going to leave and not come back, like what I was used to when I was little. I hate so much seeing him leave. I would give anything for us to live down the road from one another.

We have to learn to blend our lives together and this is oh so very hard. We all have our own friends and lives that never included one another and now all of a sudden we have to figure out how to incorporate visits and holidays and phone calls etc. You may think its easy. But nope. My dad and brother and older sister live 2 hours away and my little sister 4 hours away. I just started my own company, I am very involved in our church. I have two children and a husband. I have a life that never included all of these people. What a drastic change. I do have to admit. the first couple of months after finding my dad. I wished that I didn't have my family. I wanted to just go live with my dad. Something that I never had the chance to do. I wanted to be his little girl again.

So that's my struggle today....Wanting my daddy closer to me.

Bucket list

1. To take the kids on a plane ride.
2. To go on a missions trip to Africa.
3. To write a book
4. Get my motorcycle licence.
5. Get a ninja
6. Learn how to bake bread and buns
7. Work alongside Thomas
8. Take a phtography course. Buy a good camera
9. To Get married
10. To have kids by the time I am 30.
11. To own my own company.
12. To be debt free- almost there-
13. build our own house with a wrap around porch.
14. Help a friend in need.

1000 Gifts

116. Hunstville
117. For my legs so I can walk.
118. The colors of fall.
119. The smell of Winter coming.
120. Gnocci and a Rose Sauce.
121. Time alone.
122. For my kids teachers.
123. Being able to Volunteer at my kids school.
124. After Eight Hot Chocolate.
125. Holding hands with my husband.
126. Graham Crackers and Chedder Chesse.
127. P.A Days
128. Driving a School bus. It allows me to still be home with my kids.
129. My Escape
130. Chocolate Milk
131. Birthdays
132. Sushi
133. Music
134. Seeing kids grow
135. watching the kids interact with their friends
136. wine
137. silence
138. Hugs from a child
139. Snuggling with Jacob
140. windows

Our Marriage. Connect.

      I just Celebrated 6 years of marriage with my best friend. So how have I made 6 whole long years you may ask?? I know, I know, it doesn't seem like a long time. But it is to me. I look around and at every turn you see or hear of someone seperating or divorcing. It breaks my heart in two. Not only for the couple but for the precious Children that it is involving.
 So back to my point....Thmoas and I went to our favorite little town. huntsille, Ontario. We make a point of going every year to wander around the town. Sit by the water. Eat, drink and hold hands. Just the two of us. We spend the night and have no agenda. Its splendid.
Here is what we did. We ate at this amazing family owned Italian Restaurant. I highly recommend it. I loved the Gnocci and oh my word. I honestly wanted 2 orders of it.

 We also went to a wine tasting at the Deerhurst Resort. Something else we love. Wine. The atmosphere was great an we met a great couple. Just a year into their marriage. We tasted f different kinds of wine from Cave springs.

And We loved the place that we went for Breakfast. Three guys and a Stove. It was a Marche style. And it was YUMMY. My Favorite was the Fesh Buckwheat waffles with whip cream and Chocolate sauce and fresh fruit.

have to admit though, it does not happen enough. We need to connect more. We need to make it a priority. We buzz around during the day, we buzz around during the night. Until we both crash and veg in front of the t.v for an hour before we hit the sack. Sometimes we don't utter more than a paragraph. I am slowly learning the importance of fostering this relationship. Stop cooking dinner and getting the kids lunch ready Greet him. Give him a hug and a peck on the cheek. Say hello, and how was your day. This is hard for me. I don't like people in my kitchen when I am cooking. I don't like to be interupted when I am in the middle of something. Even more so, when I am mutil tasking several things at once. which is evey night around dinner time/ When Tom gets home. The last thing I want to do is stop. But I must. I need to put aside my own feelings and connect. Even if it is only for a breif moment. He does deserve that much.

Jk

I felt the tap on my lower back. I turned to see my sweet blue eyed beauty smiling with her head turned to its side. Momma, I am gonna miss you too. How did she know?? My back was turned. The tears that were sitting on the ledge, dropped and I grabbed ahold of her and reassured that Today was going to be a GREAT day. I was trying to reassure myself as well. She kept giving me kisses and hugs and I sent her on her way to get ready for bed. Her little red curls bouncing.
I turned back to pack the little Pink Hello Kitty lunch bag. And continued to let the tears flow. I am so blessed to have such a sweet little girl. One who is so in tuned to others feelings.
Who knew that sending your baby to JK would be so hard? She was fine. She was more than fine. She stepped in line and marched right in. Just like her brother did on his first day. I would have it no other way.
Hold your head high sweet Chloe. Be kind and gentle and loving and understanding. Learn lots, Have many laughs. Make lifelong friends and be a light. I love you all the way to moon and back!

Showing Grace- Something you do well my son.

Today Jacob I was proud to call you my son. You were leaning against the chain link fence, like it was no big deal, and you might not have even mentioned it. And if you did...It probably would have come up over dinner and you would have shrugged it off like it was nothing.
But you Jacob, God has given you a precious gift. You are a boy through and through. But god has equipped you with an understanding. Your not a wimp, and afraid of things. Your not afraid to speak your mind. Yet, you have this amazing ability to extend grace when really it's not deserved. I guess that's the true meaning of grace now isn't. But I have watched you suck it up. Not in a bad way. Not in a way that you are going to need counselling in 10 years. You take it and understand it and move on. You smile at him. you greet him each time you see him. You have this ability to love the unlovable. You aren't mean in return. Your words are kind and not harsh. You run away instead of throwing a punch back, and 9 times out of 10 when they try and chase you. They loose, can you a runner! Today hearing you got punched again and chased after and had hand sanitizer smashed into your hair. You didn't retaliate.
You had me in tears after school walking home. This you know cause I couldn't stop saying to you how proud I am of you. Now some may think, that you are gonna get walked all over. But I don't believe that. because I see your classmates and you get this respect for whatever reason. every time we are out. A friend is shouting hi. You hang your head low, in a humble matter and with a little wave of our hand. You say hi.
 even if its the boy who has been treating you so poorly. You treat everyone the same.
I pray that never changes about you. Love the unlovable. Cause like you and I have said. They are the ones that need our love the most.
Jacob, I am proud to call you my son. I love you!

blah

Do I really and truly believe with my whole heart what I proclaim to believe in? Do my actions match my heart?
Lately, I have been wondering, questioning, not doubting but, curious and searching. What am I here for? Really?? Why do we go through the things that we do? And how do we take those things and run into his arms? And the let the light of the world embrace us?

I don't feel like the same person. I feel distant and lost and swallowed up. I feel empty and lonely. And I Have for some time now. Sad. I feel sad. My inner most being feels sad.

I met a new friend a few weeks ago and as we are sitting on the beach. She mentioned something to me that will never leave me. Why do you think you entitiled to that? was her question. WOW was my first thought. a very bold comment. I took a breath and it ran deep threw my veins. She is right. I have sat here thinking, why??? Why could I not have a normal mom. A normal family? Why do I long for that so much? Why do I think that I am entitled to it? 
I am so good at saying the right thing. I am also good at saying somethings with my head and not my heart.
I pretend I am fine. I pretend I don't have a care and that I have all together. why?
I pretend that its ok and I say that God has a plan ( which I know he does.) but...I don't understand why? Why can't I let it all go?

Just some thoughts running threw my mind today. Today is blah. Sad..And blah

1000 Gifts

92. Rainbows noticed by my Lil man.
93. Seeing the sun shine down through the window and lighting up the right side of his face.
94. Walking
95. Kid free weekends.
96. Hugs
97. Kisses
98. hiking in the woods and seeing Fields of trillium's.
99. Mud
100. Washing machines
101. Rain
102. seeing little shoes piled at the front door.
103. Drive Thru
104. Straws
105.white teeth
106. Grandparents
107. Dip
108. Pain pills
109. Mountains
110. Painted toes.
111. blue eyes
112. Saying sorry
113. Hearing I forgive you.
114. For late night walks
115. early morning walks to get coffee.

1000 Gifts

Why are some days harder than others to find things to be thankful for? I must admit...Today has been hard to pin point something. I am speaking at youth on Friday night about Thanksgiving, and how God says we need to give thanks for ALL circumstances.  I think I have a hard time with the word ALL. I have been struggling today...Indeed.
So today I will say thanks for something. My Best friend Caroline

91. Caroline and her friendship. She is real and she listens and she talks. She cares. She is strong and loving and not critical, but will tell you the things you need to hear. She is a great friend. A godly friend.

1000 Gifts

80. Cheese tea biscuits
81.A friend driving 1 hour to come see me just to have a chat.
82. Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.
83. A little girl that breaks out in prayer thankful for her hot chocolate and also prays that the grass gets some water. even though it rained yesterday.
84. Dandelions being picked and placed in a vase that was for the garage sale.
85. Colette Jessop
86. The way that you hold me.
87. Chats with a mom after school in school yard.
88. Kids smiling while sliding down the slide.
89. Strollers, for when the Lil miss gets tired of walking.
90. Seeing how smart Jacob is at math.

.

1000 Gifts

61. Watching Tom work in the yard.
62. Clean drinking water at our disposal
63. The Christian radio station.
64. For apples and Carmel
65. Neighbours who allow us to borrow his pick up to get a ton of dirt.
66. Sunday afternoon naps.
67. Clouds
68. Magnets
69. Thursday night Newspaper. Its filled with Flyer's.
70. Organic spinach, Tomatoes and Cheddar Cheese.
71. Mash potatoes and gravy
72. Jeans
73. Italian bakery's pizza dough.
74. Dates with my hubby
75. That Chloe wants to be a momma.
76. Tea biscuits
77. A morning to myself.
78.Chocolate covered pretzels.
79. Watching Chloe playing on the computer.
80. coffee beans.

things I have learned, actually, its things I am learning.

Things I am learning.....

Once in a blue moon its ok to say yes to buy a box of the crap cereal. When it is on sale. It put a smile on Jacobs face to buy Reese puff. Looks gross, but it says Whole grain. I think that is just on the box to ease Mommas guilt.

To let your youngest to nap longer so you can blog or journal. It is therapy for sure So what she may stay up half an hour later. Its worth its weight in Gold to have silence and let the words flow on to the screen.

To have your friends over when the house is in shambles. I am not perfect, Nor is my house work perfect. And please if you drop food on the floor here...Do not eat it, because I don't when the last was that I washed my floors. Just spot washing.

Its OK to price match at Walmart. It saves us money. And that's why they created it. Don't feel bad for the people in the line up. But I need to remember to not stand there and Sigh when I am the one waiting for the  person price matching 50 items. Show grace, so grace is given to me.

1000 Gifts

51. For red wine
52. For rainy days.
53. A new hard cover book
54. Having enough room in basement to have the ladies over to scrapbook.
55. For my in laws.
56. For nanna
57. For fresh water.

I need to pause for a second...I have failed today. It is currently 10 p.m I tried to live a thankful life today. I was so crusty and annoyed and irritated. I was brewing in the yukky attitude all day. why? I wasn't living a life of thanksgiving. I was grumbling about the rain cause the kids were stuck inside and driving me bananas. I was annoyed cause my pizza dough was a complete and utter flop. I was annoyed because of the stupid smart meter I have to waste my day doing laundry. So in turn, cause of my poopy attitude. I had a poopy day. Argh...I am learning. Slowly. Way to slowly. When will I learn??? this I find hard.
58. For second and third chances.
59. For comfy P.js
60. I don't have to sleep alone. I have the best mate in the world to share my bed. :)

I normally would have lost it...But I remembered.

Well this morning was a going to be a busy morning. So I made the list the night before and layed it on the kitchen counter so I would not skip or miss a beat.

I awake even earlier then I needed to all because Lil miss tapped my arm." Can I watch a show?" I roll over try and see out of my still wanting sleep eyes. 6:05 a.m No, honey I mumbled. Get into to bed with me. Noticing that Thomas was out on his early run as normal. She crawled and snuggled. I couldn't go back to sleep. 10 Min's later I hear the other room door creak open. It was Lil man. He just shuffles his way to the living room. Lil miss crawls out to join her older brother. I too crawled out needing more rest, but what can one do? I go to the stack of dress clothes layed out from the night before, and put them on to have my bra strap break. OK...Give thanks. I do. I can give thanks because I have a few more options to wear. Remember that Crissy. You have more than enough. I trek down the hall to start doing lunches. Just Jacobs today. Phew! I go to get the lunch meat. There is none left. Dang! So I go to grab a bagel with cream cheese. Cause no peanuts allowed. I push past the peanut butter. And there is only half a bagel in the opened bag. Ok....I will run out and grab him a sub. I have time, if I hurry I thought. then I remembered Crissy Give thanks. So I do, while I search for my keys to drive my 2005 Escape. I thank him for options. And thank him for allowing me to wake this morning. And to be able to drive to go get a sub. And to have money in the bank to worry about doing so. I get in the escape to see no gas. Remember Crissy. Give thanks. Ok God thank you that Subway is at the gas station. I only have to make one stop. keep going...Keep giving thanks...Ham, Lettuce and Cheddar Cheese. That's all he likes on it. Oh sorry mamm our shipment has not come in yet this morning. We are out of Lettuce. That's fine I state. I can throw some Spinach leaves on it at home.Knowing Lil man like routines and his sandwiches made the way he liked them. Remember....Give thanks Crissy. Thank you for teachable moments. Thank you for the interaction I had between the sales clerk this morning. the normal banter and smiles exchanged. I quick run home....to late to shower. Place the almost greasy hair back in a pony tail. and throw some spinach in the sandwich. Lil man comes in and states, mom I need you to fill these forms out for sub day and Pizza and milk day. Last minute of course I scramble to find the exact change and place it ever so neatly in the allotted spot in his agenda. Quick...turn the computer on, get the directions to the court house. Quick get the cell phone, place my friends number in there in case she needs me. Where is the list?? Anyone seen the list? Lil Miss started writing on it. walking around writing a note to one of my friends. While I head in her direction. I probably would have snatched it away and said something like " don't write on that I need it."
But I stopped and remembered to Give thanks Thank you that I had the exact change and we weren't late submitting his money. Thank you that Lil miss is practising to be a momma, making her lists and trying to write words of encouragement. How could I scold that? How could I miss that opportunity to show her grace.
 I had to drive Lil miss to my friends house 15 mins in the opposite direction that I had to go in. But
Give Thanks  Crissy, You have a good friend that you trust to care for your baby girl. And their road is so pretty. Take it in. Don't miss it, cause you are in a hurry. I drive Lil man back into town, I pull into the school yard. And Hear oh man, I forgot my backpack. OK Seriously...Breathe...Give thanks Crissy.  After I state to my son, really Jaker? I have got to go! I stop myself and thank God I only live down the street. What is a 2 min delay? really?? Its all good.

    So my morning was filled with potential set backs. But I am trying to learn. I am trying to stop and Give thanks. To stop and give thanks for the rain and the grey sky. And the dirty Lil man I just picked up from school. Thanks for giving us the day to day routines, that seem mundane.
If we want joy, we need to give Thanks. Lord keep teaching me this I pray.

1000 Gifts

21. The smell of my leather journal
22. The sound of a loon.
23. Grass under my bare feet.
24. Giving birth
25.Lil miss smile.
26. Bees buzzing
27. A phone call from a friend.
28. The quiet drive to work, with a coffee in hand.
29. Jacobs toothless grin
30. Lil Miss long strawberry blonde hair flowing in the wind. My Lil tangled.
31. Lil Mans memory.
32.Pepper, I put it on everything.
33.candles
34. Bubble baths
35.the white noise of the fan in our room to lull us to sleep.
36.cats who snuggle.
37.Sex
38. Cats who snuggle.
39. fruit parfaits from Zerhs
40. fingers that can play the piano.
41. Watching Lil man play sports.
42. Carolines hugs.
43. Beach towels.
44. The sound of wind chimes in the neighbours yard.
45.Seeing my dad pull in the driveway. Never thought that would happen.
46. Being on the boat.
47. Watching Jacob grin from ear to ear while he swims.
48.Hearing the name momma come from Jacobs lips.
49. Watching a hummingbird take flight.
50. Releasing a spider.

Contentment and thankfulness

I want contentment. I need it, I long for it. In every area. Be happy with the little town I live in. Be happy with the size of the house and that we have been here for 3 years and we still have not finished painting. I need to be content with the fact that I am a stay at home momma and decided that was the best route for me to take. So no one else would raise my children.
I don't need more time in this wonderful thing that I call my life. I just need to be able to live this life well. With thanksgiving and contentment. Time to reach the people that I am suppose to reach. To raise my children to not need me anymore. I just need to live my life to fullest. to enjoy it to the fullest. I need to sit and realize that its all every tidbit of it, is a gift. Walking to school with the wee hand in mine. Stopping and throwing rocks down the sewer drain. Being late for swimming lessons, cause your youngest one got gum in her hair cause she just blew the biggest bubble ever!
Why do most of the time I see my life as a nuance? and in convenience? When will I learn to live in the moment. To enjoy the moment? to breathe deep in the moment.
Why do I let myself get all hairy with anger and fury? For what?? It does nothing but bring destruction and God does state it best. Anger is for fools. So true, and this does ring true to my heart. I am a fool. In so many ways. I would like to put that aside and grab hold of grace and mercy and start to live in Joy. Not happiness. Because if I am living my life to be happy then I am ripping myself off. I won't be able to handle life if I am only looking for happiness. Because there is pain, a lot of pain. I need to look at this life here on earth as a training ground. A place of correction and a place to find joy through embracing the little things.
Like now...I should tidy up...Instead I am blogging, while listening to my  IPod, while snacking on a bowl of cheerios. Lil miss is still sleeping its been over 2 hours. I normal awaken her after 1 1/2 hours. but I will let her sleep. And not get mad when she wont go down at 7:30 tonight. Only because I am learning. I am learning to enjoy the small things. I am thankful for lil miss. I am thankful for the time spent here typing. Healing...Learning to enjoy life. Soaking it in, only to release it.

1000 Gifts

21. Grass underneath my bare feet.
22. Giving birth.
23.Bees buzzing
24. Seeing Chloe dance to almost any tune.
25. A phone call from a friend.
26. The sound of a loon.
27. the quietness at nap time.
28. My large square dining table that seats 8.
29. Jacobs toothless smile.
30. Chloe strawberry blonde hair flowing in the wind and it gathering at the ends in one gigantic curl.
31. Sex.
32.The white noise of the fan when we go to lay our heads down at night.
33. Cats who snuggle.
34.bubble bath
35. Jacobs memory.
36. pepper. A must add to everything.
37. A subtle breeze on a warm summers day.
38. The sound of a humming birds wings.
39. the smell of a permanent marker.
40. for children and how they teach you to be less selfish.
41. Painted toes
42. sidewalks
43. My dad.
44. Headphones...So I cant shut everything out and run.
45. Treadmills.
46.Memories
47. first homes.
48. Tight fitting black dresses.
49. Keith urban
50. Love letters

1000 Gifts

11. I am thankful for my concealer. You get to dab this little magic cream under your eye. to make it appear like you weren't up all night with a sick child, that you weren't tossing and turning because you couldn't turn your brain off. Those dark circles vanish.
12. I am thankful for the ability to go for walks. I love, love, love walking. Sometimes with friends, mostly with Thomas. And most certain when I need time to clear my head and pray.
13. I am thankful for my health. I have always had good health. colds here and there. seeing my mom grow up with so many difficulties. and seeing my best friend who is always in physical pain. makes me feel more than blessed.
14. I am thankful for new beginnings.
15. The hug of my best friend.
16.snuggling and watching a movie with my kids.
17. Chocolate
18. Campfires
19. the wind
20. The sun and its warmth.

1000 Gifts

 Dear: Lord Jesus
I pray tonight that you would not only open my eyes but open my heart. To see you to breathe you in. to feel you in the most deepest part of being. I want you to show me my gifts. 1000 gifts at least. Things that you have given me. Presents that I may have forgotten. Or things that I should reconiaze as gifts from you. 
In your holy name I pray.
love, me

1. My husband- He came just at the right time in my life.
2. The smell of Coffee, it really does warm my heart.
3. For the way that my little miss sleeps. I go into her roon and she is sprawled like a star fish. She has no fears. She has a great comfort in knowing there is nothing here to hide from, to be scared of. She feels safe. She feels secure. This is a present for me. Thank you.
4. For Hot water. I do love having my hot bath every night.
5. For allowing me to find my dad and my sister.
6. For books. Oh how I love to read.
7. For my sight. I am forever grateful that I can see my babies and my husband the wonders around me.
8. For my health. I am indeed healthy.
9. For my mother
10. For Mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Tonsils...Yukky

My brave son at 6 1/2 had his tonsils out this past Tuesday. I must admit I was more nervous then he was. We borrowed a 10 minute video explaining all of the procedure. It was to in depth, but enough to make the wee man get some tears in his eyes. He openly admitted that he was scared. ( but just a little bit.) I held back the tears and mustarded up some words of encouragement. Meanwhile I was scared too.

    Jacob and I headed into Barrie At 8 am to be there in plenty of time. And everything went as planned. We brought his DSI and his favorite blanket, even though he insisted that he didn't need it.

     The video was right on the money. He got a number and waited in one room. We answered lots of questions and moved into another waiting room, and then to another, where Jake was asked to get changed into a gown. this did not go over very well, and I have to convince him that it looked like a candy cane. It worked well enough for him to put it on. We sat down in yet another waiting room and we met a male Nurse named Brad. He was actually assigned to us for the whole day. I think this was a God hug for me. Because Brad got to go into surgery with Jacob. So he wasn't alone. Which was great. The Dr came in and explained everything one last time. Looked and me and pointed to the hallway. Now mom...you are going to go right and we are going to go left. Ok, He must have seen right threw me and knew I wanted to go in the operating room. So Jacob jumped up put away his DSI, Brad grabbed his blanket and as the Dr. Predicted they went left, and I turned right. Jacob was brave. So brave. No tears, he just marched down the hall. I had to blow him a kiss and turn quickly. Yes there were tears in my eyes, but reminded myself. this is such a normal procedure. Its fine. I went and grabbed a coffee and headed back to the very first waiting room. just like I was instructed to do. About half an hour later the Dr. came out and said it went fine. And went over all of the details. Phew it was over. Now let me see him I was thinking. But I had to wait until he woke up.
   That didn't take long actually. I was holding a pager in my hand and it went off. So the nurse took me down to see him. He was pulling in as I was walking in and when he saw me, he started to cry. As did I. Being a momma you hate to see your child hurting and I now understand all the times when my mom said she would take away my pain if she could, when I was sick.
Jacob did very well. He was a trooper and he did great. he was weepy for a little bit, and then fell asleep for about 10 mins. Not like all the other kids there. They were all passed out for the whole 6 hours being there.
He never threw up and never complained. He ate about 5 whole Popsicles and drank lots. He was a great little patient.

  Now he is home and he continues to not complain even though he is using his whole body to swallow. I honestly cannot believe how well he has managed. He is sore and in pain, but you wouldn't know it.
Last night was the worst thus far. He passed out at 6 pm with all of his clothes on and slept till 6:30 am the next morning. We did have an awake time from 11:30 - 12:00 pm where he ate some freezies and of course I had to wake him up a few times to take his meds.

   But I must say, Jacob has a high pain tolerance and is being a champ. He wants to run and jump around. But understands he can't. He wants pizza, but understands no scratchy foods. He wants to go back to school. But he knows he needs time to heal.
speaking of school, his class sent him cards. which honestly brightened Jakers day and had a huge smile for hours. This was amazing. And So appreciated.
 So, My son. You amaze me by your strength once again. Love Mom

30 days of Pleasure-Intentionally noticing the good things in life.

Day Three:
Coffee. I am in love with having a warm cup of coffee. I love wrapping my hand around the cup. It is soothing and comforting to the soul. Sitting in conversation with a coffee in hand is one of my most favorite things to do. I love it at home, the office, in my car sitting in silence. I love sharing it with friends, Oh and sitting on the dock at the cottage first thing in the morning, letting the sun beat down on you. 
Coffee...Its a good thing. And guess what, no lie...one is perched next to me as I type.

30 days of Pleasure-Intentionally noticing the good things in life.

Day: Two

The sun. I am so very thankful for the sun. I love lifting my head and letting my face soak in the golden rays. Good Old Vitamin D is good for the soul.

30 days of Pleasure-Intentionally noticing the good things in life.

Day one:

A hot bath. I must say that this is one of my favorite things. And it honestly gives me great pleasure. every night I have what I call
" my de stressor " I am so thankful for hot water and would feel lost without it.