Blah

      We just got home from my lil man's hockey game. And I am now snuggled on my bed hugging a warm cup of hot chocolate. What is it about the warmth of a cup that makes my heart want to share? Maybe its just the fact that it makes me slow down. To ponder the things that have been consuming my mind. I need slowness, I need time to reflect. Today is one of those days. My mind has been so crammed full and with no release. 

I have been in tears a lot lately. Daily, actually. I am sad. 

       I am the type of person that likes to fix things, and yes, I admit I am a bit of a control freak.There are so many things in my life right now that I wish that I had that magic wand to wave to make everything right again. Life has been so overwhelming, draining and busy. And sometimes just unexplainable, and unfixable. And I don't handle any of those things well.

   So here I sit, at the end of my rope. Wishing for a way out. Wondering if the sweet Lord Jesus would come back today, I would willinging offer to go. 

   I am tired of people. More so, I am tired of people hurting me. For whatever reason the people that I am closest to, the ones that I am suppose to lean on, the ones that are to love me to the ends of the earth. Are the very ones who let me down. The human race sucks! I sometimes understand and think that living as hermit as its benefits.

     Yet, I always loved people. I loved mingling and chatting and going for coffee and chatting. I am withdrawing more and more. And no one notices and no one cares.

     I don't really have a relationship with my parents. I don't have a relationship with my siblings. I don't really have any friends. Sure I have the people that come to me with their problems and worries and life's struggles. But no one stops to listen to my heart. No one is ever there for me. 

    I know I sound so selfish. So me, me, me. I am really not trying to be. I guess the best word to describe it is... Lonely. I am so incredibly lonely.

     I want depth. I want love. I want to be cherished. I want to be noticed. I want to  feel like I am appreciated, and that I matter. I am always on the low end of the Totem pole in peoples priorities list.

     What is it about me that people can't love? Do you know that I ask myself this question almost daily. What is it that makes people leave. Or even worse...stay, but not invest. 

     My mom, She hurt me for years. Until this past year. I have finally shut her out emotionally. 

      My dad, Well he doesn't really know me. We missed so many years together ( over 2 decades.) And our lives are separate , Not knowing how to really to connect them. And with little effort on his part. and now...Little on mine. 
The same story goes with my 3 Half siblings. 

Friends....What friends?

Children, Jake hates me and tells me that daily. 

Husband, Disconnected and busy and priorities are else where. I thought It was the running....I guess not.

I want to feel like someones princess. My ex husband. Garrett used to call me his princess, and then left me. 

I wish that I could understand whats wrong with me. I have asked a million times for wisdom and an understanding. And nothing. 

Sigh....I am tired. I am so tired of trying I honestly just want to curl up and hide. I wish this horrible feeling would leave. 

bye for now.

Home made Potato Chips

Home made Potato Chips

I don't normally like microwaves...And I honestly rarely use them to re heat even....But I do use it for these little gems. There is nothing added. No salt. No oil. Just thin sliced potatoes and 2 handy kitchen items. My kids...LOVE getting them in their lunches.

Here is a link to my Friend Amanda Gould Who sells these handy little items.

https://www.facebook.com/amandagouldspc 

The Benefits of eating Organic Tomatoes

The Benefits of eating Organic Tomatoes

We planted a family garden this year. And it was so exciting to eat fresh veggies from our garden. 

So again I have done a little digging and found some great info. A new study has shown that Organic tomatoes have a higher level in antioxidants the the conventionally grown ones.

Researches from the university of Barcelona and the institute of the health is Spain. Did a a comparison and the natural amount of Polyphenols ( which are found to protect against heart disease ) and some cancers. Are much higher. Polyphenols are produced as the lovely tomatoes ripen and are affected by the plants growing conditions. Researches state that antioxidants increase in response to the "stress Conditions"( how hard the plant has to work to access the nutrients from the soil.)

So to break it down....organic Tomatoes have to work much harder, because there was no nitrogenous fertilizers. Which means that the tomato plants have to activate their own defense mechanisms. Which in return releases increasing levels of all antioxidants. hmmm very cool.

Another tid bit of info...Spain is one of the Top exporters of tomatoes...I didn't know that.

They study that I read this info was from from the journal of agricultural and food chemistry.

So go grab some organic tomatoes, it might help fight against heart disease.

Have a great day!

Peanut butter

I have tried for a very long time to introduce real peanut butter. So here is the scoop. Husband and I will eat it. lil miss will eat it. Lil man will NOT. I tried making some apple and peanut butter  treats and he took one bite and said...YUK that's the gross peanut butter. So I caved and put a tablespoon on of the Skippy. This is going to take a lot longer that I thought to completely convert over for the kids....So baby steps it is.

Why am I trying to change peanut butters???

Well Are the ingredients....

Real peanut butter from the health food store  Ingredients : Crushed Peanuts

Skippy Peanut butter ingredient :Fresh roasted peanuts, Soybean oil, Maltodextrin, Icing sugar, Hydrogenated Vegetable oil, salt.

I am currently working on a list of ingredients that I have no clue what they are and on a later day....I am going to reveal what each ingredient truly is. Anything Highlighted in Red with be researched!!!! If there is a certain ingredient that you are wondering about. Leave a comment. I will do some digging for you.

Organic finds.

This is a spaghetti sauce that I have been using for a few years. The ingredients are all organic Tomatoes, basil,salt, chopped onions, garlic powder, oregano and Chopped garlic.
3 jars for 8.95 Costco

Apple sauce...I do make my own applesauce in the fall. When we drive through Meaford and go apple picking. But I also grab this one....Just apples and ascorbic  acid. Found at Costco

3 jars for $ 4.95

Snacks

Here is a healthy snack including:

Carrots

Snow peas

Cucumber

Fresh ranch dip made by   http://www.fresh-a-fare.com/ 

Strawberries

Fresh Peaches 

Organic Raisins From Natures best   http://naturesbest-glenwood.foodpages.ca/ 

Quick and Easy.

Greek Yogurt with fresh fruit puree

So here is me trying to eliminate the kids sugar filled yogurt. NOT EASY!!!  first attempt. FAIL!
I pureed some fresh peaches in my kitchen Aide Mixer. And put it into some Greek plain yogurt. Well my kids did not like it. It was WAY to tart for their liking. So today at lunch I am excited to say....They ate it. Chloe loved it. Jake said I will eat it...I don't like it, but I will eat it. ( that's good enough for me. haha, I am a mean momma eh.)

So here is the proof. One kid devoured it. What was my secret that changed the deal for me? I added a little honey. A real sweetener.
This is an easy peasy snack!! I filled the little Ziploc containers and in the fridge they go.

Discovering this blog has helped me so much!

 So Like I have said earlier, I have gained some weight. Nothing to be alarmed about, but that is not why I am starting this journey. I am not counting calories or only eating protein or eliminating carbs. I am simply just wanting to kick it old school. Our Grandparents couldn't just run to the store and grab a frozen t.v dinner. They used whole foods. Whole milk, fresh meats, veggies from the garden. etc. So that's what I am doing. going Organic as I can. Shopping local as I can.
Here is the blog that has some pretty amazing recipes. Tips and information. Please take a look. she is also on Facebook. It will help you if you are wanting to switch your food thinking :)
http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/

I made these last night. Whole wheat banana pancakes with real maple syrup. I froze them in piles of 4 cause that's how many my Lil man will eat. I threw them in the freezer. And boom ready to go. I need to make some more though. Cause My lil man got into them for dinner last night.


http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/


To find her recipe.
Have a blessed day!

The Journey begins.....

        This past weekend gave me a chance to do a little running around and exploring. I must say...I had fun. With a coffee in my hand I set out on my food journey. Actually it started by my going to the mall to do some back to school shopping and stopping at the near by Shoe store. I stumbled upon a gem. It was called Fresh a fare. It totally inrigued me. So Stepped in. I was so excited. I was like a little kid in a candy shop. it looked like a yummy sandwich shop, but I wanted to dig a little deeper because the name said fresh. So....I read and asked a lot of questions. Anne ( a staff member ) was amazing. If she didn't know the answer she found out. She even grabbed the ingredient list for each product and read what was in it.

     So what did I find??? AMAZING FOOD....with NO preservatives and additives. And with only a 2 week life span...YES! I found some stuff that I could actually read the label. I was excited to find Soups made from scratch. And they only have 4 made daily out if their list...And the list is awesome.

Chicken noodle, cream of mushroom, Creamed tomato and rice, oriental chickpea, butternut squash, carrot ginger, cream of broccoli, sweet potato, split pea and ham, minestrone, spicy goulash, curried apple and zucchini,beef barley, fire roasted vegetable, clam chowder, chili, potato fennel, beer cheddar, potato spinach, corned beef and cabbage soup.    
 Price-$ 8.95

 I also bought some salad dressing. I must say...I tasted all of them when I was there and there was not one that I did not like. But I brought home the ranch. It is sooo yummy. And the owner offers a free bag of lettuce with every purchase. BONUS!
Here is the list of dressings they have. 

Balsamic vinaigrette, maple walnut chili, caesar, ranch, yogort buttermilk dill, Asian sesame, mango vinaigrette.
                  Price $3.95

I also bought Some fresh made mayo. There were 3 different kinds. Normal mayo, Jalepeno and lemon garlic.   Price $3.95

I was very impressed and excited that I don't have to make any of these items at home. I can buy them and feel good about it. 
Here is the link to Fresh a fare. Check it all out there. is So much more there. Fresh breads and pretzels and cookies etc. oh and some pretty amazing gelato...yes I tired every flavor!! And I brought home the lemon and strawberry.
http://www.fresh-a-fare.com/

Wanting to eat real food. Not processed crap.

      As most of you know...I love food. I have catered for someone else and for my own company since 2005. I love reading about food and cooking and baking. But something lately has been alarming me. I am gaining weight. I am not the size of the moon ( yet ) but I feel like if I keep going on this path...I will be.

       I have also been reading a lot about ingredients and what is in the food that we eat. And what is not in the food that we eat. I have really tried to not buy the frozen meals pumped full of the chemicals and all the processed stuff. But this last year, I have slipped. I have bought more then I would like to admit. Why??? Maybe stress, maybe to busy of a schedule, Maybe I was lazy. Maybe it was all the above. hmmmmm....Well This past month. I have been reading ALOT...in between lacrosse playoffs and holidays etc. I am feeling very empowered to make a change. And I have started!!! I am going to share the info that I come across. I am hoping that my hectic schedule will slow down. Seeing that there is one week left to school and both my babies are in full time this year. I will have time to devote to cooking, planning, getting fit. and blogging just a bit more. So watch for my posts.  And see the transformations take place. I am praying that I can do this!!

I have never been able to make you do it.

      So Jacob has always loved to try new things, but ONLY, I repeat only if HE wants to try it. So yes...In life this has presented us with lots of challenges. But From when he was young, I learned and understood him. Take Potty training for instance. Sure we tried at a young age to try and toilet train, but I quickly learned that if this boy does not want to do it. It ain't getting done. So I tried for a couple of weeks and then threw in the towel. I didn't give up the fight. I just thought it wasn't worth the fight. So....I waited for him to tell me he wanted to do it. Yes he was 3 years old and 4 months until he was Fully potty trained. and he did miss the first few months of preschool cause he was still pull ups cause he didn't go #2 in the toilet. but then he turned to us one day and said I have to go Poo..( I know poo talk is gross. Sorry about that. ) So from that day forward. He was toilet trained. 

      Which leads us to today....He finally wanted to learn to tie his laces :) Jacob and I went back to school shopping and he found these really cool skater shoes ( with laces.) And wanted to buy them. I said no I am not buying them until you learn how to tie your laces. So sure enough he said ok I will learn how to tie laces. So this morning. He stated he wanted to try and sure enough on his second try he did it. Yippeee!!

     It has been a challenge to find velcro shoes for a size 13-1 and it felt like every other kid in the world could tie laces. except Jake. But honestly...I have not let myself compare and say well, so and so can do it, so you should. I have just reminded myself. I can't make him do it. And he will learn to do it in HIS time not mine. I just wait...and tell myself it will happen before he is 21. ( I hope)

Growing

Dear: Lil Miss

You have grown up so much this year. Your first school year is over. You had such a bad start to the year, getting knocked over on the playground on your second day scared you to death. I think you are the very first kid to NOT like recess. But we were so blessed that I was driving bus this year, and we were also so blessed that you had such an amazing teacher. I was able to be there with you during this crappy time to transition. We got it figured out and you started to love school in December. Phew....

You can write your name, its so sweet to see you sit down and want to learn your letters and sounds.

You love to ride your bike

You have excelled in swimming lessons This too you were afraid of. You went from crying and not participating to jumping in and getting your face wet. ( something you hated! ) Next time around you are going to kick butt!!! because...

You now LOVE swimming, You are jumping in the pool with NO life jacket. ( in the shallow end ) and jumping off the diving board. You are even jumping off the dock at the cottage and off the boat.

You are still so sweet, and you love to love!! You love touching mommas skin and cuddling. 

You love to sit and talk about your future...Who you are going to marry and how many kids you are going to have. it so much fun.

You love to go shopping and going for coffee with me. Even though you are only 5 1/2 you are so much fun.

Love you Boo!

Rice Side Dish

I love fresh Veggies from the garden. Here is something that I cook for myself all the time. 

Ingredients:
1 Cup of Long grain rice. I use 1/2 brown and 1/2 Quinoa. Or 1 Cup basmati.
2 Cups chicken Broth
I pint of Cherry tomato's
2 Cloves of minced Garlic
1 Small Onion  Chopped
Olive oil
S& P to taste
Feta ( as much as you want )
I sometimes add other stuff like leftover chicken or like today...Beet tops.

Directions:

1.Cook rice in a rice cooker with Chicken broth. 

2. Saute the onion and Garlic and beet top and chopped Cherry tomatoes in the olive oil. when cooked add the cooked rice.

3. when heated, add the feta cheese.  And Voila your ready to eat. Add your salt and pepper to taste. 

( I also will grab Chives, Basil and Parsley out of the garden. BUT.....I couldn't this time cause I have used so much of my herbs that they are all gone. Waiting for them to grow!!

African Lion Safari

We decided to go to the African Lion Safari. I have not been there since a I was kid, and all I remembered was a monkey trying to rip off the antenna. ( which I totally regretted telling the better half that.) But we had an absolute blast. We joined up with friends of ours ( The Sweeney's) and toured around. 

Yup the Monkey's had to be the best part ( for me anyways.) I LOVE monkey's. I am so thankful that Kevin had decided to loop around 3 times, in hopes that a monkey would climb on our van. He was SO determined to get a monkey on our van, he dis obeyed the rules and threw an apple core at us, And sure enough his persistence paid off. We got a monkey!!!

 Apple Core Compliments of Mr. kevin Sweeney.

 Another Fun attraction: The Water park. Of course the kids had a blast.

Jacob Loved the Birds of Prey show. He really wanted to stay awhile and hang with the owl.

 The Elephant show was so much fun!!!

I would highly recommend taking a day trip. And a tip. You can save 20.00 if you buy your tickets from Costco. Just a heads up. 

You get kids even if you don't want them

So we were on the boat and Jacob said he wants his own cottage one day...Here is the Convo


Jacob: Mom, I really want my own cottage.


Me: Well kiddo you need to do well in school and then go to university and then get a good job, that will pay well. Then you will have enough money to buy a cottage. Then you can let your kids take their families there. Just like daddy gets to do. Well that's if you have kids. Cause not everyone has kids.


Chloe Chimes in : I want kids


Jacob: I don't know if I want kids, but I think you get kids even if you don't want them. Lol


Me: I said nothing, I laughed. Like what can ya say to that!

Hesch Summer 2012 List of things to do

     For the last couple of summers we have made a Things we want to do list. It has been a great tool. We sit down the first couple of days of summer and collaborate. Now, this does not mean we do everything on the list, but we do try and the kids get so excited to stroke it off when accomplished. In case you can't read what the list says. I will type it out. This list has come in handy on the days I don't have a clue what to do...And last summers list, it was a list of free things to do. You can get as creative as you like  :)

• Berry Picking
• Movie under the stars
• Barrie Splash pad
• Go to the playground
• Go to the cottage
• Go to the beach
• Camping at Niagara on the Lake
• Go swimming
• Go to Blue Mountain
• Go to Maraposia Market For lunch
• Go camping in Huntsville
• Visit Papa MacLeod
• Marine Land
• Send a special present to Grandma MacLeod
• Eat Dessert First
• Buy Flowers for someone
• Go for Breakfast somewhere new
• Go to the Drive in Movies
• Toronto Zoo with Uncle Dave
• Help Nana with the garden
• Go to the Library
• Go to chapters on a rainy day and buy a book
• Celebrate Jacobs birthday
• Finish Backyard
• Make everyone in the family king or queen for the day
• Baking on a rainy day
• Try a new fry truck

The truth is....it hasn't been easy.

I stated in a my blog post a last week about being intentional, well this is one of the tools that has been helping me. The power of a praying wife by Stormie O'Martian. I have been getting up early in the mornings and hitting the new gazebo, nestled in my muskoka chair. With my cup of Joe next to me. I have made it out every morning except yesterday. I was up all night hacking up a lung, so I slept through the alarm. ( if only I had this amount of determination when it came to getting up early to work out....OK lets not even go there.) One step at a time right?!

     Anyways , today I am outside, Lil miss is having her nap. And Mr.Man is at the park with some friends. I have a cup of coffee on the left arm of my chair and a bag of Veggies on the right. So what does one do now with these few precious moments of silence? I am reflecting, and wanting to share with you a little tid bit of whats being going on here in the Hesch Household.

     Its easy to say that I have been struggling. This past year for us has been very hard. The better half has made some changes in his career, good changes mind you. But still changes. Myself starting and ending a new job. Chloe starting School and having a very hard time with it until December. Mom moved out West. Have barely seen my family this past year. We lost our pastor at our church. I stopped leading youth group.
( something that I had been doing for the last 4 years.) And actually for the last 2 months we haven't being going to church anywhere. We have tried a couple of different churches but Haven't felt that any of them really clicked. So we wait My daily routine of having quiet time and my devo time has gone to wayside as well, I had one prayer in my prayer journal in a month. Something that I am not proud of, but it is true. And we have also had a recent Diagnosis  in the household. Mr. Man was Diagnosed with ODD. Which it is a relief in one way that we finally know that we are not crazy. But it has left us with a lot of questions. And Dealing with the constant outbursts is more than draining. So....Where has this left the better half and I? I wish I could type that we have strong and have come out on the top, But we have struggled too. At the end of the day. We are tired, irritated, drained and left with nothing in the tank. So We have been struggling to connect. The better half shuts down. I pull away. Its been a viscous cycle. One that I could not sit by and take any longer. I want things to better for us. better for our family. Better for myself. So I must take some action. I will start, I have started to fight. I have started to Pray. I will be posting the prayers that I have been praying "For Him', For "His Daugther" For "His Son" For "His Wife" I am starting with my immediate family first and then As I grow stronger again will start adding in everyone else. I feel like I am in the depths of the dessert place. This is a glimmer of hope, and I will not give up. I will press in and I will pray.

July 2012

We were at the cottage this past weekend just the 4 of us. The weather was amazing and family time is always must.

Hot Spinach Dip

 

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons olive oil, plus more for baking dish
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 pounds spinach, cleaned, trimmed, and coarsely chopped
• 1/2 cup milk
• 6 ounces reduced-fat bar cream cheese
• 3 dashes Worcestershire sauce
• 3 dashes hot sauce, such as Tabasco
• 3/4 cup shredded mozzarella
• Coarse salt and ground pepper
• Baguette slices, breadsticks, or crackers, for serving

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. In a Dutch oven or large pot, heat oil over medium. Add onion and garlic; cook until lightly browned, 5 to 8 minutes.
2. Add spinach in two additions, letting the first batch wilt before adding the next; cook until completely wilted, 5 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a colander; drain, pressing to release all excess liquid.
3. In the same pot, warm milk over high heat. Whisk in cream cheese until melted, about 3 minutes. Add spinach, Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, and 1/4 cup mozzarella; stir to combine. Season with salt and pepper. Pour into a lightly oiled 1 1/2-quart shallow baking dish; sprinkle with remaining 1/2 cup mozzarella.
4. Bake until bubbly and golden brown, 20 to 25 minutes. Serve hot with accompaniments, as desired.

141. Hugs from Jacob
142. Burnt Grilled cheese
143. My new Gazebo
144. Fresh veggies from the garden.
145. When Chloe tells me she loves me all the way to the moon and stars and back again.
146. For new beginings
147. Life 100.3 Radio station
148. Tim hortons and Starbucks
149. Cottage
150. My husbands job...Which lets him take off early to go to the cottage!

       2 Decembers ago. God gave me a word. "Intentional" I need to be intentional about life. In every aspect of life. I cannot expect a cute little magic wand to appear and make all the troubles of this world disappear. I can't expect it to Keep my family healthy nor can I expect it wave its magically powers and turn me into June Clever and My husband Ward. We need to be intentional at working through our issues, and working on our marriage. ( nothing, or no one except us, can do that.) No one will fight for our marriage except us. No one will fight for our kids except us. If we want to grow, we need to be intentional. If we want a good relationship with God, we need to be intentional. If we want good relationships with our Children we need to be intentional. If I want to be rid of the sin in my life, I need to be intentional.

 

          Knowing this, having this word ( intentional ) close to my heart for the last couple of years and it truly penetrating in my heart. How on earth did I get to the spot, where I want to give up? When Did I start focusing on everything but HIM? I started focusing on ALL of the wrongs things. I started focusing on all of the bad stuff. I have been stuck. I have been so super selfish, everything has been what I a missing in my life. What I have been robbed off. What Wrongs have been done to me. All the Negatives. I have pulled away from everyone that I held dear. I haven't been church in 2 months. Depression has set in and I felt utterly hopeless.Defeated and alone. I have blamed my mom, my husband, my son, my dad and my friends. I have also blammed myself. But that was it...I placed the blame, and lost the most important thing in the midst of this.

        I feel like I am at the begining again. On the 15th of this month I decided to be intentional again. I need HIM back in my life. I need to take my life by the horns and fight. My marriage has been so rocky this past year. Dis connected  and distant. My relationship with my son is so hard and I struggle with him everyday. Dealing with ODD is a huge challange. Not having any close Christian friends and not going to church. All This needs to change. And I am not sitting by anymore. So like I said on the 15th I said I was going to start praying. Not just the quick little 3 word prayers. But I am getting up before the household arises and I get out my journal and bible and Power of a praying wife book and I am praying. Outside in the warm breeze under the newly built gazebo. Oh and I can't forget the kureig. My lovely cup or 2 of coffee.

 There has not been a HUGE change. I am not expecting God to open the heaven's door and clap and shout that I have finally gotten it. I just know in my heart that I am obeying. And I do have a little glimmer of hope.

Lord I need you now. I will obey. I will not give up. My face is down and my eyes and arms are raised toward you. As the Tears fall, please know that I long for you. I am reaching out to you, with all of me. I love you.

Does a good cup of coffee inspire me to write? Sometimes....But today it is giving me a little comfort. Yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Filled with outbursts and attitude problems and tears. And mostly on my part. Yes that's right. I was in one heck of a fowl mood Yesterday. I think if I could have found that towel, I would have thrown it in. I had enough and I was ready to share it. Which left me with today, A fresh start, right? Yes, a fresh start. I had still had this lingering anger burning in me though. So I sat outside in the cool breeze under the gazebo and opened up my prayer journal. Here is my entry for this morning.

Oh Lord, I am very sorry. Yes, today is a new day. and I want it to be a good one. I am asking your forgiveness when it comes to yesterday and my attitude with the kids and my hubby. I get frustrated so easily and I stay frustrated and it is so hard for me to snap out it. I honestly don't know why. I do long to be the the proverbs 31 women. Teach me Lord. Amen.

I am so far from perfect and there still has been tears today. but an embrace from my hubby while I stood over the stove making lunch gave me a sense of hope. I will not give up. I will press my heels in. I don't have the answer. and its ok.

Have a blessed day

Dear : Lord

Please help me to be the women of God who takes care of her home, and runs it well. Help me to buy and sell and make wise investments. In material things and in People. Lord help to remember to keep myself Healthy by exercising and dress attractively. I pray that I will work diligently and use my skills which are marketable. I pray that I will be giving and conscientiously prepares for the future. Help me to learn how to contribute to my husbands good reputation. I will be strong, solid, honerable and not afraid of growing older. I pray that I will speak kindly and Wisely. I pray I won't sit around doing nothing, But carefully observe what is going on in my home. My Children and Husband will praise me. I won't rely on charm and beauty but I will remember that it is the fear of the Lord that is the most attractive. I will support my husband but also remember that I still need a fruitful life of my own, which will speak loudly for its self.

Help me Lord to be the wife that he needs me to be. I know that I am lacking in so many areas. I fall short everyday. I need your help. I am selfish and impatient and easily annoyed and quick to anger. I am the opposite of the women mentioned in Proverbs 31. But I can become like that. I will become like that. With YOUR help.

Proverbs 31  In my words.

Making a difference- Our time here on Earth is short

My husband said to me today, Crissy it sounds like your thinking about alot of heavy things. He could not have been more right.

I have quite a few friends right now going through so many different issues. Death being the main one. But there are alot of other things going on too. My heart is aching for so many...

I am left with so many thoughts...Whilring around. Drowning me out. How can I help? How can I lend a hand or a listening ear or do something tangible? How can I ease someone's pain?

Our biggest mission here on earth is to love. So today and all this week I am consumed  with...How did I show love this week and to whom? to the ones that it is easy to love? Or to the ones that Challenge me? Do I love when its uncomfortable? or when I don't want to? Do I stop when I am busy to love?

It is the everyday, little things that matter. Its not how much I make. Its not weather or not I leave this amazing legacy behind. And if I wait for the big grand idea I might have missed the chance...the chance to make a diffrence today, the now. To make an impact in someones life.

Why am I here? To love? Is it really that easy? I think so.