Contentment and thankfulness

I want contentment. I need it, I long for it. In every area. Be happy with the little town I live in. Be happy with the size of the house and that we have been here for 3 years and we still have not finished painting. I need to be content with the fact that I am a stay at home momma and decided that was the best route for me to take. So no one else would raise my children.
I don't need more time in this wonderful thing that I call my life. I just need to be able to live this life well. With thanksgiving and contentment. Time to reach the people that I am suppose to reach. To raise my children to not need me anymore. I just need to live my life to fullest. to enjoy it to the fullest. I need to sit and realize that its all every tidbit of it, is a gift. Walking to school with the wee hand in mine. Stopping and throwing rocks down the sewer drain. Being late for swimming lessons, cause your youngest one got gum in her hair cause she just blew the biggest bubble ever!
Why do most of the time I see my life as a nuance? and in convenience? When will I learn to live in the moment. To enjoy the moment? to breathe deep in the moment.
Why do I let myself get all hairy with anger and fury? For what?? It does nothing but bring destruction and God does state it best. Anger is for fools. So true, and this does ring true to my heart. I am a fool. In so many ways. I would like to put that aside and grab hold of grace and mercy and start to live in Joy. Not happiness. Because if I am living my life to be happy then I am ripping myself off. I won't be able to handle life if I am only looking for happiness. Because there is pain, a lot of pain. I need to look at this life here on earth as a training ground. A place of correction and a place to find joy through embracing the little things.
Like now...I should tidy up...Instead I am blogging, while listening to my  IPod, while snacking on a bowl of cheerios. Lil miss is still sleeping its been over 2 hours. I normal awaken her after 1 1/2 hours. but I will let her sleep. And not get mad when she wont go down at 7:30 tonight. Only because I am learning. I am learning to enjoy the small things. I am thankful for lil miss. I am thankful for the time spent here typing. Healing...Learning to enjoy life. Soaking it in, only to release it.