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Do I really and truly believe with my whole heart what I proclaim to believe in? Do my actions match my heart?
Lately, I have been wondering, questioning, not doubting but, curious and searching. What am I here for? Really?? Why do we go through the things that we do? And how do we take those things and run into his arms? And the let the light of the world embrace us?

I don't feel like the same person. I feel distant and lost and swallowed up. I feel empty and lonely. And I Have for some time now. Sad. I feel sad. My inner most being feels sad.

I met a new friend a few weeks ago and as we are sitting on the beach. She mentioned something to me that will never leave me. Why do you think you entitiled to that? was her question. WOW was my first thought. a very bold comment. I took a breath and it ran deep threw my veins. She is right. I have sat here thinking, why??? Why could I not have a normal mom. A normal family? Why do I long for that so much? Why do I think that I am entitled to it? 
I am so good at saying the right thing. I am also good at saying somethings with my head and not my heart.
I pretend I am fine. I pretend I don't have a care and that I have all together. why?
I pretend that its ok and I say that God has a plan ( which I know he does.) but...I don't understand why? Why can't I let it all go?

Just some thoughts running threw my mind today. Today is blah. Sad..And blah