19-20 Part one

this next chapter is very hard for me to explain. It was one of the hardest years of my life, but one of the most beneficial. I learned a lot about who I was. I learned a lot about who God was. I acted out a lot, yet it made me lean on God.

Bible college for me was a time where God stripped me naked and then started to clothe me piece by piece again. Man I don't even know where to begin.

My friend and I drove out West, we took the long route through the states. SO COOL! As we were leaving it was the perfect setting for a sappy chick flick. It was raining, and as we climbed in the van packed full of our stuff. Heather puts in a homemade tape given to her and I look out the window to see the one that had my entire heart for the last two years. As the tears streamed down the window and also my cheek, the song played in the background. I will remember you. What a perfect setting to leave it all behind.The boy, the parents, the job. and move on to the next chapter.

I told myself that I wanted to grow this year. I wanted to Give everything I had to God. I was not going to date, just focus on God. I was entering into a Missions course, and at the end of this course we would be going to China. How exciting. I could not wait.

Lots of stuff happened throughout this year. I am only going to focus on two major things that effected life forever.
First one. I had to write my testimony for one of my classes. I sat down and thought and thought, but nope nothing came to mind. I never experienced with drugs or alcohol. So I was never "saved " from anything. I tried at least four times to write the stupid thing, and came up with nothing. Then......One afternoon as I was walking by my professors office, and he yelled for me to come in. So I sit down, and he told me that he was awoken at 3 am the night before and I was on his mind. He felt like God was telling him That Crissy needs to forgive someone. What??? I told Bill that there was no one that I had to forgive. I was not fighting with anyone. I listed off all of my friends. He said he didn't know anything else, just that I needed to forgive someone, and I needed to pray about it. So I did just that. I began to pray that God would show me who this person is. And then BOOM one week later, by the way my paper was late, cause I had nothing to write about. I was awoken at 3 am and all of a sudden my mother popped into my head. But God I said aloud I am not mad at her. What do I need to forgive her about. And It was like this huge wave came over me. You need to forgive her for all of the abuse and the hurts that she put you through.

This seriously knocked me off my feet. If I was not already laying down, I probably would have fallen. For some reason it was like I heard this news for the first time. It was so odd. I don't think that I have thought about abuse in years. I was 20 now, and all of a sudden I started to bawl. God brought me back to a place of hurt and betrayal. and I was overwhelmed. What now God?? What do I do? How do I forgive her? This is your testimony Crissy, write about this. I heard. write about how I was there for you through all of the suffering. So the paper that was so hard to write flowed from the tip of the pen in less then an hour. I was in tears the entire time, but it was so amazing to write it all out. To get off my chest. and this was the very first step, was admitting that I was abused. It was around 5 am and I had to type it out, and I ran down to Bills office and slid it under the door. Phew....I remembered feeling a peace. until I was sitting in the class room a few hours later and Bill saying that we were going to stand up in front of the class and say our testimony out loud. kinda like a presentation. I almost filled my pants. I wanted to run back and grab my paper back and try and muster something else up. But it was too late. I wanted to die. I remember saying to God in my head. "Your kidding me" I can't tell anyone. I never once uttered a word about my past. NEVER! I was so terrified. And I also had no time to prep. It was that afternoon, that we were going to do it. I was instantly sick. My tummy was in knots. But I did it. I got up and in front of 50 people read it aloud. I was in tears and to my dismay half my class was too. After I was done reading it. I looked up and instead of seeing people who were going to judge me were people that hugged and embraced me. I felt loved and I felt at peace. And I felt like I was ready to let go of it all.

Now this next part is amazing. No one can tel me that there is no God. NO ONE! cause he was there, and he made it all happen. Stay tuned.