There were a lot of other things going on at Bible college. Like I said before this was indeed was one of the hardest years of my life. God shook me, stripped me, challenged me beyond my widest dreams. I think that I mentioned before that I was going to take this year for God. Well I always grew up being addicted to men. Needing their attention, and needing to feel close to a male. I knew this year that one of my major weaknesses were men. So I told God I didn't want to date. I did a pretty good job. I still had crushes and infatuations. Ok who am I kidding...I did brutal. I did date a guy named Kevin only for a few weeks. And then near the end of the year I dated an amazing young man. Who Really was EVERYTHING that I should have liked, and wanted in a husband. But nope...there was still something missing. I liked 2 others guys that year too. One was an amazing worship leader and the other my friend Sharalee married. HA too funny.
This whole year I felt empty, lonely, crushed, I was in constant turmoil. I had this inner struggle that I could not explain. And I turned very rebellious. I had snuck a boy into my room at college. Which was NOT allowed. We were just friends but yeah...it was still wrong. I never got caught cause it was over Thanksgiving weekend and no one was there. I broke silence curfews. ( honestly) not meaning too. I was getting into trouble every which way I turned. And not meaning too. I cheated on a test and a friend caught me and told me to tell. I never did but she never found out cause I got in trouble for something else. And she thought it was for that. I was also told that I was not allowed to go on the missions trip to China. Why?? Not many people know the real reason why. I went home to powell river with a friend. And we drank. for the first time in my life I drank and On my way home. I remembered the contract that I signed at the beginning of the year. that I would not partake in anything like that. So me being me. I volunteered that information to my professor. Well that honesty got me no where. I ended up not being allowed to go on the trip. Because I was open and honest. It sucked. Hardcore...but I drew so close to God. He really had to give me the strength to finish this year off and he did.
I stayed at the college and worked there in the spring as a cook for some camps that came to the school and then a call came into the office and asked if anyone was interested in Doing a internship as a youth pastor. there were only 3 people at the school at the time and they thought I was a good fit. So I went. And guess what. It was in the same little town that Matt lived in. Armstrong, B.C.
So guess what....Of course. We dated. HA! but me being me got bored. I really should have made that work...But I had met a young man named Garrett. The man that I fell madly in love with the first time that I met him. We were eating dinner at a Red Robins and He had me in stitches the whole time.( yes I was still dating matt.) He was sitting right next too me. And I am pretty sure that I blew him off that night. I still feel bad that I never properly ended that relationship. But....I was in love. And this young man named Garrett. I did marry.
I must add this. Even though this year was hard. It was AMAZING. I felt God in my life every second of the day. He really was stripping me of this garbage and replacing it with him. I spent MANY hours locked in the chapel playing the piano and singing my heart out to him. I remember one night my friend Jason was leading worship and we sang the song. Yes Jesus loves me. We sang it over and over. I will never forget this night. He spoke truth into my heart that night. He spoke love into my heart. And he told me that he was my father and he loved me. I fell in love with God that night. And I have been forever grateful for that hard year.
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