I was cooking dinner when I heard. What was going on in mind at the time.

I was cooking dinner, I turned on the Radio. As I do every night at this time. My phone was on the Dock and my laptop was open and logged on to Fb..I started hearing Ding after Ding seriously like 15 ding's within a 5 min span. And then The notifications start happening on FB. My hands were covered in gross stuff. So I couldn't look at what was going on. At that time. On the radio. " stay tuned to what just happened in Boston" There has been a tragedy during the Boston Marathon. It is confirmed there has been 2 explosions at the finish Line.

Oh, My God....No

I called Tom at work. Thank God He wasn't running.

I dial the number....

But His team mates...they are all there. What time did it go off?

I asked Tom if he heard what happened. He didn't! I could hear the Shakiness in his voice at that instant. I have to call the guys, He says. He hangs up.

I washed my hands and got on my phone. I had texts, messages, and calls. Is Tom ok??

I got on FB and read the messages. Is Tom ok?

I got on to the News feed. I don't want to look. Oh Lord, why? Who did this? Are the guys ok?

I started seeing pictures and videos. I had to stop. I just can't imagine. yet so Relieved that we weren't there.

I was brought back to 2 years ago. The thousands of people that were there watching with anticipation. Cheering on their loved ones. And speaking encouraging words to people whom they have never met.  When we were there, I fell in love with Boston. I loved watching for my hubby. Its such an amazing atmosphere. Positive and uplifting. Kids with a sippy cup in one hand, and a clapper in the other. Waiting for the their mom or dad to pass by.

oh, God there were children there.

My heart sank, but I got a text. everyone on Toms team was safe. Thank God. But everyone else...some had died and lots injured.

I guess this time...They won't be celebrating.

Tom wasn't there this year running. But I know he felt torn about that too. He wanted to be there for his friends. He was pretty distraught all night thinking about it.

I guess things can happen anywhere. At anytime with no warning or an understanding of why?

Hug and kiss your loved ones.

Thank you

This Blog post is about My amazing husband Tom. I know that no one is perfect, and Yes Tom has his flaws, but He is perfect for me. And I have never met anyone in my entire life, that is so selfless. As most of you know, I was married before. don't worry I am not going to sit here and bash the X. everything happens for a reason and I will never regret being married before, as I learned lots about myself. But saying that, it was Hell to go through a divorce and I swore I would never marry again. Then I met this guy and we have been inseparable From the moment we met.

I have noticed this past month some pretty amazing qualities about Tom, and I want to share them with you. Because sometimes we know that we have something good, and we don't say thanks or acknowledge those amazing qualities in one another. 

Tom is so supportive. He allows me to be"me". I am a creative, independent, Strong willed, a little bit of a control freak. And he loves and appreciates those qualities. even though sometimes I frustrate him. 

He knows that raising our children is my number 1 priority and he allows me to have the freedom to do that. He does not force me to go to work, even though both kids are in School full time. He budgets accordingly and we live within our means so I can stay home. Monetary things aren't important to him. He would much rather have me home, and raise our children. But saying that...He supports me if I want to work, knowing that I will only choose something that will work for our family. He trusts me.

He allows me to let the house work slide at times...I don't have the pressure of having to have the house spotless. I remember, geeze it must have been 3 summers ago. I focused on the kids, and less on the house. We spent the day at the beach instead of cleaning. And I thank him for that. I was getting mad at the kids for being kids and was cleaning up after them like 15 times a day. So I felt like I needed to stop and worry about the mess later. I am thankful that he doesn't  pressure me to have it perfect, he does laundry, He cleans bathrooms, he Loves on his kids and plays with them. And not only does he encourage me to have time to myself. He allows it to happen.

All of you know that he runs. Yes mostly 130+ Kms a week and I have many people ask, how do you put up with him running so much. Yes, Sometimes it cuts into our time. But for the most part he gets up at 4:30-5 AM to run. even in the winter. So it does not take away from the kids time or my time with him. 

Tom is determined, Strong, So smart, Selfless and Gracious.

I am VERY blessed that I got him. I feel like I don't deserve him most days. He truly is my better half.

He has the most amazing singing voice too!! It makes you melt. 

So thank you Thomas! You are an answer to prayer.

And to those of you, If you hear me complain, tell me to read my blog as a gentle reminder of how good I have it.

Thinking of you...So I thought I would write.

Well Kiddo Your growing up so fast. Your already 81/2. I remember our first night together. I was so in awe of you. I didn't sleep at all. I nestled you so close and just stared at you. I still stare in amazement. You are so strong. And the very qualities that make me want to ring your neck are the very qualities that are going to transform you into this amazing young man. 

Your so strong. You stand up for what you think to be true. You don't just sit by and take No for an answer. Your a fighter. And this my friend...I knew from when you were you in my womb. You love rules and abide them. but they need to make sense to you and if you don't think they do, you challenge it. All these years. its been your goal to challenge. But you admit when you were wrong. 

I am glad that we talk. I am glad that you listen. Dr.Phil said to keep discussions short and to the point. Well I am glad he doesn't live with us. Cause you and I both like to talk. 

When I question my parenting, like after one of our many fights. I take refuge in that we can always have heart to hearts. Your so smart. You have a good Heart. And that's what matters the most. All the other stuff is trivial. 

Your emotional. as am I. You cry easy, As do I. Your caring. Your amazing with your little sister. Your feisty and have lots of friends. Your so determined. You believe in yourself. Your handsome. 

Oh and you said the F Bomb the other day and then cried cause you didn't know it was a swear. It was just a word you thought of on your own, you said.  Stupid school! Thanks for teaching my kid the F bomb! 

Your at a sleepover. Your second one ever. And here I am writing you. Daddy is gone to watch the fights. Chloe is coughing away in her bed. And here I am wondering if you are sleeping yet. The Control freak that I am....I like to know if you are in your bed asleep. But I know that you are safe. I just miss you. 

I love you Jacob. Very much. Through the fights, the tears, I will never stop. You are amazing.  

Life is like a deck of cards

Have you ever felt like you were dealt a hand of cards that were crap. You know that kinda of hand that you look at and say, really?? Did you stack the deck so you would win, and I would loose? Cause I have Nothing to play with. 

But as you play in the game of life. You see that a card can be played. and it really wasn't all that bad. You played with the hand you were dealt. You might not have won. But you finished. You may not have the perfect hand, but you tried the best with what you had. And then waited for the next deal. Maybe its better, maybe its worse. But you kept pushing through and making the best of situation. And you always seem to be able to play something.


You go down the road that you aren't in control of when your younger. You learn what you learn from watching, and imitating what you see right in front of you. You repeat the words that your ears hear. Your actions speak louder then your words. Because that's what tends to happen. You become a product of your environment  good or bad.

But when you grow up you get to make your own choices.  choices that are going to define who you are. Your morals, what you will stand for or what you will fall for. You get to choose who you want to become. 

You get to choose to be different. to recreate or imitate. You get to break the chain or add another link. 

Life is not easy. And sometimes things happen that aren't fair, and that don't rest easy in our spirits. Or that makes us question or doubt. I have had many of these moments in my life. Many...But the one thing that I have learned over the years. His light will shine when everything else fades. We aren't alone in this messy game of life. I have to remember that. Do you?

Blah

      We just got home from my lil man's hockey game. And I am now snuggled on my bed hugging a warm cup of hot chocolate. What is it about the warmth of a cup that makes my heart want to share? Maybe its just the fact that it makes me slow down. To ponder the things that have been consuming my mind. I need slowness, I need time to reflect. Today is one of those days. My mind has been so crammed full and with no release. 

I have been in tears a lot lately. Daily, actually. I am sad. 

       I am the type of person that likes to fix things, and yes, I admit I am a bit of a control freak.There are so many things in my life right now that I wish that I had that magic wand to wave to make everything right again. Life has been so overwhelming, draining and busy. And sometimes just unexplainable, and unfixable. And I don't handle any of those things well.

   So here I sit, at the end of my rope. Wishing for a way out. Wondering if the sweet Lord Jesus would come back today, I would willinging offer to go. 

   I am tired of people. More so, I am tired of people hurting me. For whatever reason the people that I am closest to, the ones that I am suppose to lean on, the ones that are to love me to the ends of the earth. Are the very ones who let me down. The human race sucks! I sometimes understand and think that living as hermit as its benefits.

     Yet, I always loved people. I loved mingling and chatting and going for coffee and chatting. I am withdrawing more and more. And no one notices and no one cares.

     I don't really have a relationship with my parents. I don't have a relationship with my siblings. I don't really have any friends. Sure I have the people that come to me with their problems and worries and life's struggles. But no one stops to listen to my heart. No one is ever there for me. 

    I know I sound so selfish. So me, me, me. I am really not trying to be. I guess the best word to describe it is... Lonely. I am so incredibly lonely.

     I want depth. I want love. I want to be cherished. I want to be noticed. I want to  feel like I am appreciated, and that I matter. I am always on the low end of the Totem pole in peoples priorities list.

     What is it about me that people can't love? Do you know that I ask myself this question almost daily. What is it that makes people leave. Or even worse...stay, but not invest. 

     My mom, She hurt me for years. Until this past year. I have finally shut her out emotionally. 

      My dad, Well he doesn't really know me. We missed so many years together ( over 2 decades.) And our lives are separate , Not knowing how to really to connect them. And with little effort on his part. and now...Little on mine. 
The same story goes with my 3 Half siblings. 

Friends....What friends?

Children, Jake hates me and tells me that daily. 

Husband, Disconnected and busy and priorities are else where. I thought It was the running....I guess not.

I want to feel like someones princess. My ex husband. Garrett used to call me his princess, and then left me. 

I wish that I could understand whats wrong with me. I have asked a million times for wisdom and an understanding. And nothing. 

Sigh....I am tired. I am so tired of trying I honestly just want to curl up and hide. I wish this horrible feeling would leave. 

bye for now.

Home made Potato Chips

Home made Potato Chips

I don't normally like microwaves...And I honestly rarely use them to re heat even....But I do use it for these little gems. There is nothing added. No salt. No oil. Just thin sliced potatoes and 2 handy kitchen items. My kids...LOVE getting them in their lunches.

Here is a link to my Friend Amanda Gould Who sells these handy little items.

https://www.facebook.com/amandagouldspc 

The Benefits of eating Organic Tomatoes

The Benefits of eating Organic Tomatoes

We planted a family garden this year. And it was so exciting to eat fresh veggies from our garden. 

So again I have done a little digging and found some great info. A new study has shown that Organic tomatoes have a higher level in antioxidants the the conventionally grown ones.

Researches from the university of Barcelona and the institute of the health is Spain. Did a a comparison and the natural amount of Polyphenols ( which are found to protect against heart disease ) and some cancers. Are much higher. Polyphenols are produced as the lovely tomatoes ripen and are affected by the plants growing conditions. Researches state that antioxidants increase in response to the "stress Conditions"( how hard the plant has to work to access the nutrients from the soil.)

So to break it down....organic Tomatoes have to work much harder, because there was no nitrogenous fertilizers. Which means that the tomato plants have to activate their own defense mechanisms. Which in return releases increasing levels of all antioxidants. hmmm very cool.

Another tid bit of info...Spain is one of the Top exporters of tomatoes...I didn't know that.

They study that I read this info was from from the journal of agricultural and food chemistry.

So go grab some organic tomatoes, it might help fight against heart disease.

Have a great day!

Peanut butter

I have tried for a very long time to introduce real peanut butter. So here is the scoop. Husband and I will eat it. lil miss will eat it. Lil man will NOT. I tried making some apple and peanut butter  treats and he took one bite and said...YUK that's the gross peanut butter. So I caved and put a tablespoon on of the Skippy. This is going to take a lot longer that I thought to completely convert over for the kids....So baby steps it is.

Why am I trying to change peanut butters???

Well Are the ingredients....

Real peanut butter from the health food store  Ingredients : Crushed Peanuts

Skippy Peanut butter ingredient :Fresh roasted peanuts, Soybean oil, Maltodextrin, Icing sugar, Hydrogenated Vegetable oil, salt.

I am currently working on a list of ingredients that I have no clue what they are and on a later day....I am going to reveal what each ingredient truly is. Anything Highlighted in Red with be researched!!!! If there is a certain ingredient that you are wondering about. Leave a comment. I will do some digging for you.

Organic finds.

This is a spaghetti sauce that I have been using for a few years. The ingredients are all organic Tomatoes, basil,salt, chopped onions, garlic powder, oregano and Chopped garlic.
3 jars for 8.95 Costco

Apple sauce...I do make my own applesauce in the fall. When we drive through Meaford and go apple picking. But I also grab this one....Just apples and ascorbic  acid. Found at Costco

3 jars for $ 4.95

Snacks

Here is a healthy snack including:

Carrots

Snow peas

Cucumber

Fresh ranch dip made by   http://www.fresh-a-fare.com/ 

Strawberries

Fresh Peaches 

Organic Raisins From Natures best   http://naturesbest-glenwood.foodpages.ca/ 

Quick and Easy.

Greek Yogurt with fresh fruit puree

So here is me trying to eliminate the kids sugar filled yogurt. NOT EASY!!!  first attempt. FAIL!
I pureed some fresh peaches in my kitchen Aide Mixer. And put it into some Greek plain yogurt. Well my kids did not like it. It was WAY to tart for their liking. So today at lunch I am excited to say....They ate it. Chloe loved it. Jake said I will eat it...I don't like it, but I will eat it. ( that's good enough for me. haha, I am a mean momma eh.)

So here is the proof. One kid devoured it. What was my secret that changed the deal for me? I added a little honey. A real sweetener.
This is an easy peasy snack!! I filled the little Ziploc containers and in the fridge they go.

Discovering this blog has helped me so much!

 So Like I have said earlier, I have gained some weight. Nothing to be alarmed about, but that is not why I am starting this journey. I am not counting calories or only eating protein or eliminating carbs. I am simply just wanting to kick it old school. Our Grandparents couldn't just run to the store and grab a frozen t.v dinner. They used whole foods. Whole milk, fresh meats, veggies from the garden. etc. So that's what I am doing. going Organic as I can. Shopping local as I can.
Here is the blog that has some pretty amazing recipes. Tips and information. Please take a look. she is also on Facebook. It will help you if you are wanting to switch your food thinking :)
http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/

I made these last night. Whole wheat banana pancakes with real maple syrup. I froze them in piles of 4 cause that's how many my Lil man will eat. I threw them in the freezer. And boom ready to go. I need to make some more though. Cause My lil man got into them for dinner last night.


http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/


To find her recipe.
Have a blessed day!

The Journey begins.....

        This past weekend gave me a chance to do a little running around and exploring. I must say...I had fun. With a coffee in my hand I set out on my food journey. Actually it started by my going to the mall to do some back to school shopping and stopping at the near by Shoe store. I stumbled upon a gem. It was called Fresh a fare. It totally inrigued me. So Stepped in. I was so excited. I was like a little kid in a candy shop. it looked like a yummy sandwich shop, but I wanted to dig a little deeper because the name said fresh. So....I read and asked a lot of questions. Anne ( a staff member ) was amazing. If she didn't know the answer she found out. She even grabbed the ingredient list for each product and read what was in it.

     So what did I find??? AMAZING FOOD....with NO preservatives and additives. And with only a 2 week life span...YES! I found some stuff that I could actually read the label. I was excited to find Soups made from scratch. And they only have 4 made daily out if their list...And the list is awesome.

Chicken noodle, cream of mushroom, Creamed tomato and rice, oriental chickpea, butternut squash, carrot ginger, cream of broccoli, sweet potato, split pea and ham, minestrone, spicy goulash, curried apple and zucchini,beef barley, fire roasted vegetable, clam chowder, chili, potato fennel, beer cheddar, potato spinach, corned beef and cabbage soup.    
 Price-$ 8.95

 I also bought some salad dressing. I must say...I tasted all of them when I was there and there was not one that I did not like. But I brought home the ranch. It is sooo yummy. And the owner offers a free bag of lettuce with every purchase. BONUS!
Here is the list of dressings they have. 

Balsamic vinaigrette, maple walnut chili, caesar, ranch, yogort buttermilk dill, Asian sesame, mango vinaigrette.
                  Price $3.95

I also bought Some fresh made mayo. There were 3 different kinds. Normal mayo, Jalepeno and lemon garlic.   Price $3.95

I was very impressed and excited that I don't have to make any of these items at home. I can buy them and feel good about it. 
Here is the link to Fresh a fare. Check it all out there. is So much more there. Fresh breads and pretzels and cookies etc. oh and some pretty amazing gelato...yes I tired every flavor!! And I brought home the lemon and strawberry.
http://www.fresh-a-fare.com/

Wanting to eat real food. Not processed crap.

      As most of you know...I love food. I have catered for someone else and for my own company since 2005. I love reading about food and cooking and baking. But something lately has been alarming me. I am gaining weight. I am not the size of the moon ( yet ) but I feel like if I keep going on this path...I will be.

       I have also been reading a lot about ingredients and what is in the food that we eat. And what is not in the food that we eat. I have really tried to not buy the frozen meals pumped full of the chemicals and all the processed stuff. But this last year, I have slipped. I have bought more then I would like to admit. Why??? Maybe stress, maybe to busy of a schedule, Maybe I was lazy. Maybe it was all the above. hmmmmm....Well This past month. I have been reading ALOT...in between lacrosse playoffs and holidays etc. I am feeling very empowered to make a change. And I have started!!! I am going to share the info that I come across. I am hoping that my hectic schedule will slow down. Seeing that there is one week left to school and both my babies are in full time this year. I will have time to devote to cooking, planning, getting fit. and blogging just a bit more. So watch for my posts.  And see the transformations take place. I am praying that I can do this!!

I have never been able to make you do it.

      So Jacob has always loved to try new things, but ONLY, I repeat only if HE wants to try it. So yes...In life this has presented us with lots of challenges. But From when he was young, I learned and understood him. Take Potty training for instance. Sure we tried at a young age to try and toilet train, but I quickly learned that if this boy does not want to do it. It ain't getting done. So I tried for a couple of weeks and then threw in the towel. I didn't give up the fight. I just thought it wasn't worth the fight. So....I waited for him to tell me he wanted to do it. Yes he was 3 years old and 4 months until he was Fully potty trained. and he did miss the first few months of preschool cause he was still pull ups cause he didn't go #2 in the toilet. but then he turned to us one day and said I have to go Poo..( I know poo talk is gross. Sorry about that. ) So from that day forward. He was toilet trained. 

      Which leads us to today....He finally wanted to learn to tie his laces :) Jacob and I went back to school shopping and he found these really cool skater shoes ( with laces.) And wanted to buy them. I said no I am not buying them until you learn how to tie your laces. So sure enough he said ok I will learn how to tie laces. So this morning. He stated he wanted to try and sure enough on his second try he did it. Yippeee!!

     It has been a challenge to find velcro shoes for a size 13-1 and it felt like every other kid in the world could tie laces. except Jake. But honestly...I have not let myself compare and say well, so and so can do it, so you should. I have just reminded myself. I can't make him do it. And he will learn to do it in HIS time not mine. I just wait...and tell myself it will happen before he is 21. ( I hope)

Growing

Dear: Lil Miss

You have grown up so much this year. Your first school year is over. You had such a bad start to the year, getting knocked over on the playground on your second day scared you to death. I think you are the very first kid to NOT like recess. But we were so blessed that I was driving bus this year, and we were also so blessed that you had such an amazing teacher. I was able to be there with you during this crappy time to transition. We got it figured out and you started to love school in December. Phew....

You can write your name, its so sweet to see you sit down and want to learn your letters and sounds.

You love to ride your bike

You have excelled in swimming lessons This too you were afraid of. You went from crying and not participating to jumping in and getting your face wet. ( something you hated! ) Next time around you are going to kick butt!!! because...

You now LOVE swimming, You are jumping in the pool with NO life jacket. ( in the shallow end ) and jumping off the diving board. You are even jumping off the dock at the cottage and off the boat.

You are still so sweet, and you love to love!! You love touching mommas skin and cuddling. 

You love to sit and talk about your future...Who you are going to marry and how many kids you are going to have. it so much fun.

You love to go shopping and going for coffee with me. Even though you are only 5 1/2 you are so much fun.

Love you Boo!

Rice Side Dish

I love fresh Veggies from the garden. Here is something that I cook for myself all the time. 

Ingredients:
1 Cup of Long grain rice. I use 1/2 brown and 1/2 Quinoa. Or 1 Cup basmati.
2 Cups chicken Broth
I pint of Cherry tomato's
2 Cloves of minced Garlic
1 Small Onion  Chopped
Olive oil
S& P to taste
Feta ( as much as you want )
I sometimes add other stuff like leftover chicken or like today...Beet tops.

Directions:

1.Cook rice in a rice cooker with Chicken broth. 

2. Saute the onion and Garlic and beet top and chopped Cherry tomatoes in the olive oil. when cooked add the cooked rice.

3. when heated, add the feta cheese.  And Voila your ready to eat. Add your salt and pepper to taste. 

( I also will grab Chives, Basil and Parsley out of the garden. BUT.....I couldn't this time cause I have used so much of my herbs that they are all gone. Waiting for them to grow!!

African Lion Safari

We decided to go to the African Lion Safari. I have not been there since a I was kid, and all I remembered was a monkey trying to rip off the antenna. ( which I totally regretted telling the better half that.) But we had an absolute blast. We joined up with friends of ours ( The Sweeney's) and toured around. 

Yup the Monkey's had to be the best part ( for me anyways.) I LOVE monkey's. I am so thankful that Kevin had decided to loop around 3 times, in hopes that a monkey would climb on our van. He was SO determined to get a monkey on our van, he dis obeyed the rules and threw an apple core at us, And sure enough his persistence paid off. We got a monkey!!!

 Apple Core Compliments of Mr. kevin Sweeney.

 Another Fun attraction: The Water park. Of course the kids had a blast.

Jacob Loved the Birds of Prey show. He really wanted to stay awhile and hang with the owl.

 The Elephant show was so much fun!!!

I would highly recommend taking a day trip. And a tip. You can save 20.00 if you buy your tickets from Costco. Just a heads up. 

You get kids even if you don't want them

So we were on the boat and Jacob said he wants his own cottage one day...Here is the Convo


Jacob: Mom, I really want my own cottage.


Me: Well kiddo you need to do well in school and then go to university and then get a good job, that will pay well. Then you will have enough money to buy a cottage. Then you can let your kids take their families there. Just like daddy gets to do. Well that's if you have kids. Cause not everyone has kids.


Chloe Chimes in : I want kids


Jacob: I don't know if I want kids, but I think you get kids even if you don't want them. Lol


Me: I said nothing, I laughed. Like what can ya say to that!

Hesch Summer 2012 List of things to do

     For the last couple of summers we have made a Things we want to do list. It has been a great tool. We sit down the first couple of days of summer and collaborate. Now, this does not mean we do everything on the list, but we do try and the kids get so excited to stroke it off when accomplished. In case you can't read what the list says. I will type it out. This list has come in handy on the days I don't have a clue what to do...And last summers list, it was a list of free things to do. You can get as creative as you like  :)

• Berry Picking
• Movie under the stars
• Barrie Splash pad
• Go to the playground
• Go to the cottage
• Go to the beach
• Camping at Niagara on the Lake
• Go swimming
• Go to Blue Mountain
• Go to Maraposia Market For lunch
• Go camping in Huntsville
• Visit Papa MacLeod
• Marine Land
• Send a special present to Grandma MacLeod
• Eat Dessert First
• Buy Flowers for someone
• Go for Breakfast somewhere new
• Go to the Drive in Movies
• Toronto Zoo with Uncle Dave
• Help Nana with the garden
• Go to the Library
• Go to chapters on a rainy day and buy a book
• Celebrate Jacobs birthday
• Finish Backyard
• Make everyone in the family king or queen for the day
• Baking on a rainy day
• Try a new fry truck