I was cooking dinner when I heard. What was going on in mind at the time.

I was cooking dinner, I turned on the Radio. As I do every night at this time. My phone was on the Dock and my laptop was open and logged on to Fb..I started hearing Ding after Ding seriously like 15 ding's within a 5 min span. And then The notifications start happening on FB. My hands were covered in gross stuff. So I couldn't look at what was going on. At that time. On the radio. " stay tuned to what just happened in Boston" There has been a tragedy during the Boston Marathon. It is confirmed there has been 2 explosions at the finish Line.

Oh, My God....No

I called Tom at work. Thank God He wasn't running.

I dial the number....

But His team mates...they are all there. What time did it go off?

I asked Tom if he heard what happened. He didn't! I could hear the Shakiness in his voice at that instant. I have to call the guys, He says. He hangs up.

I washed my hands and got on my phone. I had texts, messages, and calls. Is Tom ok??

I got on FB and read the messages. Is Tom ok?

I got on to the News feed. I don't want to look. Oh Lord, why? Who did this? Are the guys ok?

I started seeing pictures and videos. I had to stop. I just can't imagine. yet so Relieved that we weren't there.

I was brought back to 2 years ago. The thousands of people that were there watching with anticipation. Cheering on their loved ones. And speaking encouraging words to people whom they have never met.  When we were there, I fell in love with Boston. I loved watching for my hubby. Its such an amazing atmosphere. Positive and uplifting. Kids with a sippy cup in one hand, and a clapper in the other. Waiting for the their mom or dad to pass by.

oh, God there were children there.

My heart sank, but I got a text. everyone on Toms team was safe. Thank God. But everyone else...some had died and lots injured.

I guess this time...They won't be celebrating.

Tom wasn't there this year running. But I know he felt torn about that too. He wanted to be there for his friends. He was pretty distraught all night thinking about it.

I guess things can happen anywhere. At anytime with no warning or an understanding of why?

Hug and kiss your loved ones.

Thank you

This Blog post is about My amazing husband Tom. I know that no one is perfect, and Yes Tom has his flaws, but He is perfect for me. And I have never met anyone in my entire life, that is so selfless. As most of you know, I was married before. don't worry I am not going to sit here and bash the X. everything happens for a reason and I will never regret being married before, as I learned lots about myself. But saying that, it was Hell to go through a divorce and I swore I would never marry again. Then I met this guy and we have been inseparable From the moment we met.

I have noticed this past month some pretty amazing qualities about Tom, and I want to share them with you. Because sometimes we know that we have something good, and we don't say thanks or acknowledge those amazing qualities in one another. 

Tom is so supportive. He allows me to be"me". I am a creative, independent, Strong willed, a little bit of a control freak. And he loves and appreciates those qualities. even though sometimes I frustrate him. 

He knows that raising our children is my number 1 priority and he allows me to have the freedom to do that. He does not force me to go to work, even though both kids are in School full time. He budgets accordingly and we live within our means so I can stay home. Monetary things aren't important to him. He would much rather have me home, and raise our children. But saying that...He supports me if I want to work, knowing that I will only choose something that will work for our family. He trusts me.

He allows me to let the house work slide at times...I don't have the pressure of having to have the house spotless. I remember, geeze it must have been 3 summers ago. I focused on the kids, and less on the house. We spent the day at the beach instead of cleaning. And I thank him for that. I was getting mad at the kids for being kids and was cleaning up after them like 15 times a day. So I felt like I needed to stop and worry about the mess later. I am thankful that he doesn't  pressure me to have it perfect, he does laundry, He cleans bathrooms, he Loves on his kids and plays with them. And not only does he encourage me to have time to myself. He allows it to happen.

All of you know that he runs. Yes mostly 130+ Kms a week and I have many people ask, how do you put up with him running so much. Yes, Sometimes it cuts into our time. But for the most part he gets up at 4:30-5 AM to run. even in the winter. So it does not take away from the kids time or my time with him. 

Tom is determined, Strong, So smart, Selfless and Gracious.

I am VERY blessed that I got him. I feel like I don't deserve him most days. He truly is my better half.

He has the most amazing singing voice too!! It makes you melt. 

So thank you Thomas! You are an answer to prayer.

And to those of you, If you hear me complain, tell me to read my blog as a gentle reminder of how good I have it.

Thinking of you...So I thought I would write.

Well Kiddo Your growing up so fast. Your already 81/2. I remember our first night together. I was so in awe of you. I didn't sleep at all. I nestled you so close and just stared at you. I still stare in amazement. You are so strong. And the very qualities that make me want to ring your neck are the very qualities that are going to transform you into this amazing young man. 

Your so strong. You stand up for what you think to be true. You don't just sit by and take No for an answer. Your a fighter. And this my friend...I knew from when you were you in my womb. You love rules and abide them. but they need to make sense to you and if you don't think they do, you challenge it. All these years. its been your goal to challenge. But you admit when you were wrong. 

I am glad that we talk. I am glad that you listen. Dr.Phil said to keep discussions short and to the point. Well I am glad he doesn't live with us. Cause you and I both like to talk. 

When I question my parenting, like after one of our many fights. I take refuge in that we can always have heart to hearts. Your so smart. You have a good Heart. And that's what matters the most. All the other stuff is trivial. 

Your emotional. as am I. You cry easy, As do I. Your caring. Your amazing with your little sister. Your feisty and have lots of friends. Your so determined. You believe in yourself. Your handsome. 

Oh and you said the F Bomb the other day and then cried cause you didn't know it was a swear. It was just a word you thought of on your own, you said.  Stupid school! Thanks for teaching my kid the F bomb! 

Your at a sleepover. Your second one ever. And here I am writing you. Daddy is gone to watch the fights. Chloe is coughing away in her bed. And here I am wondering if you are sleeping yet. The Control freak that I am....I like to know if you are in your bed asleep. But I know that you are safe. I just miss you. 

I love you Jacob. Very much. Through the fights, the tears, I will never stop. You are amazing.  

Life is like a deck of cards

Have you ever felt like you were dealt a hand of cards that were crap. You know that kinda of hand that you look at and say, really?? Did you stack the deck so you would win, and I would loose? Cause I have Nothing to play with. 

But as you play in the game of life. You see that a card can be played. and it really wasn't all that bad. You played with the hand you were dealt. You might not have won. But you finished. You may not have the perfect hand, but you tried the best with what you had. And then waited for the next deal. Maybe its better, maybe its worse. But you kept pushing through and making the best of situation. And you always seem to be able to play something.


You go down the road that you aren't in control of when your younger. You learn what you learn from watching, and imitating what you see right in front of you. You repeat the words that your ears hear. Your actions speak louder then your words. Because that's what tends to happen. You become a product of your environment  good or bad.

But when you grow up you get to make your own choices.  choices that are going to define who you are. Your morals, what you will stand for or what you will fall for. You get to choose who you want to become. 

You get to choose to be different. to recreate or imitate. You get to break the chain or add another link. 

Life is not easy. And sometimes things happen that aren't fair, and that don't rest easy in our spirits. Or that makes us question or doubt. I have had many of these moments in my life. Many...But the one thing that I have learned over the years. His light will shine when everything else fades. We aren't alone in this messy game of life. I have to remember that. Do you?

Blah

      We just got home from my lil man's hockey game. And I am now snuggled on my bed hugging a warm cup of hot chocolate. What is it about the warmth of a cup that makes my heart want to share? Maybe its just the fact that it makes me slow down. To ponder the things that have been consuming my mind. I need slowness, I need time to reflect. Today is one of those days. My mind has been so crammed full and with no release. 

I have been in tears a lot lately. Daily, actually. I am sad. 

       I am the type of person that likes to fix things, and yes, I admit I am a bit of a control freak.There are so many things in my life right now that I wish that I had that magic wand to wave to make everything right again. Life has been so overwhelming, draining and busy. And sometimes just unexplainable, and unfixable. And I don't handle any of those things well.

   So here I sit, at the end of my rope. Wishing for a way out. Wondering if the sweet Lord Jesus would come back today, I would willinging offer to go. 

   I am tired of people. More so, I am tired of people hurting me. For whatever reason the people that I am closest to, the ones that I am suppose to lean on, the ones that are to love me to the ends of the earth. Are the very ones who let me down. The human race sucks! I sometimes understand and think that living as hermit as its benefits.

     Yet, I always loved people. I loved mingling and chatting and going for coffee and chatting. I am withdrawing more and more. And no one notices and no one cares.

     I don't really have a relationship with my parents. I don't have a relationship with my siblings. I don't really have any friends. Sure I have the people that come to me with their problems and worries and life's struggles. But no one stops to listen to my heart. No one is ever there for me. 

    I know I sound so selfish. So me, me, me. I am really not trying to be. I guess the best word to describe it is... Lonely. I am so incredibly lonely.

     I want depth. I want love. I want to be cherished. I want to be noticed. I want to  feel like I am appreciated, and that I matter. I am always on the low end of the Totem pole in peoples priorities list.

     What is it about me that people can't love? Do you know that I ask myself this question almost daily. What is it that makes people leave. Or even worse...stay, but not invest. 

     My mom, She hurt me for years. Until this past year. I have finally shut her out emotionally. 

      My dad, Well he doesn't really know me. We missed so many years together ( over 2 decades.) And our lives are separate , Not knowing how to really to connect them. And with little effort on his part. and now...Little on mine. 
The same story goes with my 3 Half siblings. 

Friends....What friends?

Children, Jake hates me and tells me that daily. 

Husband, Disconnected and busy and priorities are else where. I thought It was the running....I guess not.

I want to feel like someones princess. My ex husband. Garrett used to call me his princess, and then left me. 

I wish that I could understand whats wrong with me. I have asked a million times for wisdom and an understanding. And nothing. 

Sigh....I am tired. I am so tired of trying I honestly just want to curl up and hide. I wish this horrible feeling would leave. 

bye for now.

Home made Potato Chips

Home made Potato Chips

I don't normally like microwaves...And I honestly rarely use them to re heat even....But I do use it for these little gems. There is nothing added. No salt. No oil. Just thin sliced potatoes and 2 handy kitchen items. My kids...LOVE getting them in their lunches.

Here is a link to my Friend Amanda Gould Who sells these handy little items.

https://www.facebook.com/amandagouldspc 

The Benefits of eating Organic Tomatoes

The Benefits of eating Organic Tomatoes

We planted a family garden this year. And it was so exciting to eat fresh veggies from our garden. 

So again I have done a little digging and found some great info. A new study has shown that Organic tomatoes have a higher level in antioxidants the the conventionally grown ones.

Researches from the university of Barcelona and the institute of the health is Spain. Did a a comparison and the natural amount of Polyphenols ( which are found to protect against heart disease ) and some cancers. Are much higher. Polyphenols are produced as the lovely tomatoes ripen and are affected by the plants growing conditions. Researches state that antioxidants increase in response to the "stress Conditions"( how hard the plant has to work to access the nutrients from the soil.)

So to break it down....organic Tomatoes have to work much harder, because there was no nitrogenous fertilizers. Which means that the tomato plants have to activate their own defense mechanisms. Which in return releases increasing levels of all antioxidants. hmmm very cool.

Another tid bit of info...Spain is one of the Top exporters of tomatoes...I didn't know that.

They study that I read this info was from from the journal of agricultural and food chemistry.

So go grab some organic tomatoes, it might help fight against heart disease.

Have a great day!